Plase do not hate me for my superior intelligence. It has just earned me admittance to the Mensa society. Yes I know – it is extraordinary occasion. I am certain of my qualification as a Mensa member as I have now managed to uninstall and THEN reinstall the carseat and associated cover.
Really I am lucky not to have been put in this dangerous situation prior to last week. Landon got choked on a yogurt bite (damn health food) last week on the way home from school.
I was driving – on our way home for a relaxing Friday. Well we were stopped at the light and she started to choke and cry. I thought it was nothing but it continued. It is also key to note that I was the first in line of 11 cars all turning and ready to consume their first official cocktail of the weekend. I am thinking is it possible to do the Heimlich maneuver while driving??? Well luckily I turned the corner and quickly threw it in to park, then mounted the front seat and proceeded to be washed in pink vomit (fueled by dannon drinkable yogurt). DA DA DA DUMMMMMM
Okay so we go 4 more blocks and are home. I extract the carseat which is now about to float in to the house on its own. To add to the matter, this is the first day for Landon’s new teacher (also a Mensa member). She, in a moment of brilliance, decided to send Landon home wearing only panties – sans the diaper. Let me clarify – SHE IS TWO PEOPLE! So the floating carseat is now saturated with not only pink vomit but pee pee. For the love of all that is holy – can I catch a break here??
So I take her inside, she eats, bathes and goes to bed. Once she is down and the angels commence to singin’, I begin to disassemble the car seat cover. I do believe that instructions for launching the first rocket were more clear. I mean it says “find the metal slot of the restraint”. Well now that is helpful isn’t it? The ENTIRE THING IS A RESTRAINT; IT IS A CARSEAT and oh by the way, there are lots of metal thingies. I did get the cover off (I do believe time stood still for 1 minute to honor the achievement) – mindful of the instructions which state “be careful not to damage the special headrest” (cross my heart that iis what is says). Well that is just lovely – because in Alabama we call that “special headrest” Styrofoam – so the 300.00 carseat I bought (top of the line) is made of styrofoam.
So I wash it and called my neighbor to commiserate. She said “be afraid, very afraid”. For the life of me, I cannot figure how to put the thing back together. If the instructions were in Portuguese it would be easier. Seriously! Through the Grace of God (literally) and a bad word or two, I manage to get the cover back on. I am going to line it with a trash bag to save the strain on my psyche. If she slides out of it… well so be it.
I took yesterday off to get some things done – primary of which is getting Landon a Colorado Birth Certificate. This task, my friends, is basically as complicated as the entire adoption process.
While working through my 25 item task list, I treat myself to a trip to the LuLuLemon store (athletic clothing). It is pricey yes but I wear it every day, which is where I find my warped rationalization for spending more money. Anyway, the sales clerk is a San Francisco looking X-hair stylist. He says to me as I graze past the tops, “Um, ma’aaaaam, these are our most supportive tops” as he sort of finger scoots me to adjacent training bras. He might as well have said – “you are WAY too small for this top and can we talk about your hair??” HOW RUDE! The service industry has hit an all time low.
Last Sunday I took Landon to lunch at Little Ollies (the little should not confuse the fact that is a large and BUSY restaurant). Well it was a stupid move; they do not even have a kids menu or coloring book. So we colored on their white tablecloth (serves them right). It seemed to take forever to get our meal. To keep the princess from throwing all the sugar packets across the room, I gave her some wipes. Landon is very in to cleaning these days (not without merit). So she is wiping of the table, my arm, etc. I bend to pick up the sippy mug she just knocked off only to have her raise my shirt to wipe my chest with the dirty wipe. She raises it just high enough to show off the black netting of my bra and, I believe, cause permanent damage to the United Methodist Church senior citizen class sitting to our right.
We are doing our best to conserve money here (as is all of the U.S). Our latest fun toy is Reynolds wrap. Landon has shot up now and can reach the wrap/baggie drawer. Sunday evening I heard her giggly roar as she unrolled the entire Reynolds wrap container across the kitchen floor — to hear it crinkle under her feet. I just couldn’t get to her fast enough to stop her from hurling it down 2 small flights of stairs.
Landon and I went to Tampa for week a week or so ago. We were lucky enough to find a really wonderful sitter, Patti. Patti took Landon to the mall every day and they played in the baseball themed kid’s area. It seemed every day I would come back to the hotel to find Landon with something new: a tutu one day, then cell phone with blue tooth attachment of course, super large coloring book etc. She was spoiled for sure. I think she is ready to go back.
I will end our latest update with a sad note. While on our trip, my little Bonnie passed. I had her since she was 3 months old. Poor thing she got a bad kitty disease. It made her blind and then she passed about 2 ½ weeks later. Very quick and very sad. Landon saw Mommy super sad for the first time. She was very sweet (perhaps this is my first glimpse at the parent becoming the child, just didn’t think it would happen when she was 2). Landon kept patting me and saying “are you Otay? Its Otay Mommy”. SOOOOOOO cute! She is a love for sure.