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Cool Cat 6/15/09

10 Apr

 Landon has taken up modeling sort of.   She will dig furiously through her dress up kit and then model her ensemble.  It is a little frightening the precision of her movement.  I am not sure where she is getting this.  They have a segment at school called dramatic play — must consult her teacher on this Paris Hilton education Landon seems to be getting.  The first time she says “thats hot” she is so out of there.

 Landon and I took a trip to Aunt Traceys. It was a combo work/play trip.  Work for me, play and spoiling for her.  I was wondering if she would reconnect with her 8 and 10 year old cousin until I saw all three of them running through the house screaming with diapers on their heads.   Class all around.  Picture attached.

 We have a new kitten.  Our sweet Bonnie passed at the end of February.  We got a rescue kitten — 10 weeks old.  HER name is Clooney after my future husband George. When we do marry her name will be Clooney Clooney or Clooney Squared. We will deal w/ the psychology issues of that when necessary. 

 I have forgotten how quick kittens are.  A couple of weeks ago, I was trying to get Landon out the door of the house by 6:15 a.m.   I was a little zombie-like so this was challenge. I open our bottom freezer to get Landon her fresh breakfast I make daily — frozen french toast sticks.  Then I give the freezer a good shove because it is so full of junk.  Clooney has gotten under the fridge — I can  hear her meow.  I can’t figure out how she flattened her body to 1/2 inch but it appears she has.  Well… I hear her but go about my business as my hand won’t fit under the freezer.  So I walk to the bathroom for more spackle and hear her meow’ing more and come in to see my 21 pound cat Clyde also meow’ing and pawing at the fridge.  I try again to get her out and cannot get my hand under the freezer. I figure if I open the freezer I may be able to create some space or leverage.  WEEELLLLLLL…. I open the freezer and out pops Clooney.  I shut her up in the freezer — no lie.   Please do not call PETA.  I am just lucky I didn’t leave the house.  Can you believe that!  She was chilled but ok (as it had only been about 45 seconds).  Whew!  That was a close one.

 Clooney jumps on the counters and table frequently.  I try to stop that behavior.  Bad Clooney I saw.  Landon, ever the helpful child, is at the ready to put her in timeout.  “cooooonie” she says….”TIMEOUT!! “  She even reaches for the timeout timer to help Clooney in her timeout.  She is quite aware of the timeout process as she appears to be the mayor of timeout town these days.  

 This two is tough.  Landon is very into doing things herself. “I DO IT MOMMY”  Okay then.  So I wait….. and wait….. and wait…. (imagine the jeopardy music playing and what the next question may be).  Then she will say “I help a you”, which means Help me mommy. 

 She will put her pants on herself. That is actually a good thing if you do it right. Trouble is she puts both feet in one leg of her pants and then has to hop around to move or will fall and then cry.  We will be good and ready for the mother daughter potato sack race when that time comes.  Also she will say “Mommy, you listen a me”.  I am sure she is getting that as I say it about 45 times a day to her.  

 So, we will remind you that we live in an old house — build in 1920.   It is “charming” — that is what it said online.  Charming means — this sucker will take all your money.

This old house is having plumbing issues– water slow draining in the tub and backing up w/ stuff that should NEVER come BACK into your house.  Landon would see the standing dirty STINKY water in the tub and say “Dat Gros Mommy, It Tinky”. No kidding honey, I have to clean it up.

 So it is getting bad and I vow to call the plumber tomorrow.   I know it will not hurt it if take a shower downstairs. It is late and Landon is sleeping.  I am really enjoying a moment of quiet at 12:15 in the morning.  I get out and hear water running, dripping. I am looking all over and don’t see anything.  Laundry room – Check, Kitchen – check.  Upstairs bathroom — oh SHIT.

 Well I guess this “small” blockage is really pretty significant, because I am looking at a bathroom covered in potty water as it has overflowed

 Plumber on speed dial for first thing in the a.m.

 1:00 a.m. to bed.  I have put my old DVD player on top of the upstairs toilet to deter me from pee’ing in it in the middle of the night.  I figure I will not pee on electronic equipment. 

 So I call the plumber man at 9:00 a.m. who says he will be right over. To those confused on what right over means — well that is 7 p.m.  Plumber man, Mike, arrives and starts to work @ 7:00 p.m. He finishes at 10:30 p.m.  Mike is now my friend on facebook.  I know that his sister stayed with him for 2 months after getting knocked up at 17, his favorite food is spaghetti with meatballs, he has no pets but had a cat as a child that he dearly loved, and the piece of equipment he is cleaning out my sewage lines which costs $30,000.00.  He asks me the last time I had the lines cleaned out before.  I say “huh”.  I explain that I have been here 7 years and can’t recall having done it. He explains further that if I cannot recall having a machine the size of a small washing machine in my basement sucking poop and pee pee out of my house, then I probably have not have it done.  I really like a smart ass when its me. 

After 3.5 hours of cleaning out blockages, Mike  made sure to show me the small Scottish Pine he found growing in my sewage line.

At the end of the  sewage excavation, he was dripping in sweat, had consumed a gallon of water, smelled like moldy cheese and says “I think we better get you on a maintenance plan”  Yea…. ya think?

 I have learned that there are ways to deal with being an older mom which I thought I would share because there are more older moms now.  I would not say I am the oldest mom at the school but… I am on the high side for sure. Now there are a lot more  older dads — which further speaks to the injustices of a male dominated world – but… I digress.  These are my tips for being an older mom.

1.         Hang out with ugly people.  Then other people won’t focus on how old you are; they will just talk about the ugly people around you.

2.         Wear nice clothes to draw attention away from your wrinkly face.

3.         For Gods sake, buy a moisturize and I don’t mean Nivea.

4.         Wear a baseball cap or any hat really – it brings the attention up and hides stuff that shouldn’t be seen.

5.         Find a dermatologist and get their frequent shopper card; you will need it.

6.         Bangs are your friend; they hide where nature was the least kind.

7.         Pull your hair UP in a real high tight pony tail – it lifts your whole face up (free facelift) – best to remove ponytail before migraine ensues.

8.         Have a small child – they put everything in perspective. You WILL laugh more.  You just won’t care and that’s cool.

9.         Sleep – -I have personally found this to be the best and hardest to find anti-aging tool

 Good Luck!

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Posted by on April 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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