Living on the Edge 1/25/09

10 Apr

Oh to say the least we have been busy. 

 Christmas was really nice this year.  We stayed in Denver and avoided all the holiday travel.  We have traveled a lot since we got back from Moldova.  It used to be easier to travel with her – she actually listened to me and obeyed the flight rules. Now she wants to walk up and down the aisles and sit in first class with the nice TV’s (can’t blame her for that), get in to other people’s purses, etc.

 Landon and I went to Atlanta and Hilton Head recently.  I went for business; she went to get spoiled by Grandpa and Grandma.  We had a connection in Dulles… very tiny plane barely visible to the naked eye.  It was the kind of plane where you have to go outside to board.  Well it is so damn cold there are icicles forming inside my mouth.  I am toting the princess and all her crap, my coat, hers, my most prized position… the DVD player, and all while trying to look hot in my Britney Spear boots in case the pilot is hot.  I am trying to navigate these tiny little Smurf steps and teetering.  I say to the flight attendant (whose last job was a waitress at Hooters)  “can you help me?”   “What?” she says.  It is windy and loud so I give her the benefit of the doubt.  “Can you HELP ME??”  “What?” she says again. Getting ticked….  “CAN YOU HELP ME????”  Her reply…. Priceless…  “We are not allowed to help passengers”.  Well you can imagine: I was pissed.  So I threw my bag at her feet and said “well can you help yourself?”.    I am not even going to go there.  Anyone who travels can relate to the level of “service” on planes these days.  I hear that soon we will have to travel with our own chairs and oxygen masks or pay extra. 

 If you remember from last years travels I have bad flight karma anyway.  Upon arrival in Hilton Head the airline lost my bag.  Of course they did not lose MY bag, no no… they lose the baby bag (with all the critical stuff in it).  Stay tuned.  I  will update you when I travel so you can all stay home and avoid flight issues.

 On a way home from Grandpa’s, I was graced with a sleeping Landon.  I was shocked that she was out and for so long.  So I thought to myself, I will get a glass of wine (whoa, yes I know, living on the edge).  So I order it and upgrade to RED wine – very frightening idea with a 2 year old but hey she was out.  As she is sleeping I figure it is safe.   So I get it and then decide to get my book to read to really savor the moment. Okay shifting, getting comfy…..   WHOOOPS!!!  I knock the whole damn thing over.  SHIT!     The man across the aisle got a good chuckle.     I was less than cheerful.

 On Christmas day I was trying to get Landon something substantial to eat, something other than “cookie” (which she now says ALL the time).    I still had not managed to get my contacts in – you know how XMAS day is.   Landon comes running to me giggling and shows me that she has a candy cane in her mouth. Oh whatever, it is Christmas… no big deal.  That is until she is right in front of me at which point I scream LANDON NOOOOOOOOO!! She has a small glass Christmas ball in her mouth – all the way in.  I managed to extract it from the perpetrator (not without protest).  Good grief – but a crunch away from the ER on XMAS day. 

 Landon is in pull-ups as is she so advanced in her bodily functions (as many of you may recall from a previous update).  Well recently she says “gucky” and proceeds to pull down her pull-up.  Now mind you we were not near the potty just at a random carpeted area of the house.  Of course it looks like something a horse would leave behind.  Well she drops her drawers and then bends over in the down dog yoga position and says “wipe”.   I am astounded I have to tell you, partly at the move (and it is was really good yoga form) and partly because of the direct order.  Not so astounded that I did not move quickly as to avoid the poopy in the Berber carpet.  I later learned this is a technique at her school.  Go figure.

 Landon had a sip and see to celebrate her b’day (this is of course on top of her celebration at Grandpa’s and the one at school).  A sip and see is a southern thing — so you can have your mint julep and trash your neighbor (“bless her heart…. did you see her shoes..).  Landon was blessed with some lovely gifts.  There were tons of people around so it was hard to track the little one at times.  I peer over my wine glass to see her feverishly opening a gift (unsupervised of course) which I assume is hers but cannot be certain.  As I get closer I see that she is also trying to increase her fiber intake by eating a 100.00 gift check.  LANDON STOP!!!!!  AAAAKKK!  That sound can be heard coming from my house a lot these days.

 Our most recent injury as a family was the result of a direct blow to the head.  Landon awoke in the night and cried out.  I grabbed her and brought in with me.  I KNOW, I KNOW that is bad.  Any mommy on this distribution list who has not done it at least once, you are a saint and sleep deprived.    So… we get settled and Landon sits straight up at attention – who knows why… perhaps a dream about the pledge of allegiance.  I say LANDON LIE DOWN.  So she does… crashes down on my head… her hard head (and she is the 60th percentile head-wise) is a direct hit on my nose.  She does not even wake up.  I mean it was so hard I had to feel to see if it was still attached.  It was… and I know that because it was bleeding all over the place.   

 You can see we have fun and most days are lucky to remain injury free.

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Posted by on April 10, 2010 in Uncategorized


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