Hi all –
We hope this finds you well. We have moved to Alaska since our last update. Not really… however… we have had such frequent snow in the last 6 weeks, it has seemed so.
We are clearly living the high life here in Denver as you will soon see.
Landon continues to excel in school. She is getting better at her colors, sort of… She thinks everything is BLUE – that is what she says…. “Landon, honey what color is the grass” “BOO Mommy…” Well no… “Landon what color is your dress” “BOO Mommy” No again…it is pink. Your dress is always pink. “Landon what color of that string cheese?” “Boo Mommy”.. Oh dear she is right – best not to eat that one. Anyway… we continue to try.
Landon is now an avid user of Bobbi Brown now. I found her a couple of weeks ago with the entire left side of her face covered in brown. I thought she had fallen in dirt. Oh no… It was only my champagne shimmer lipstick… extra shimmery to make skinny lips look full. She says “look Mommy – pretty?!” NO…………. Not Champagne Shimmer. It is gone – totally gone, concave in fact. I know to some (heathens) it is only lipstick. GASP! It is just such an effort for me to get to the mall to replace it. I decide to try. I took Landon to the mall to get my replacement shimmer stick. This is a short trip… what can go wrong… Queue JAWS music….
I go to the Bobbi counter – Landon in tow – using my phone to do God only knows what. I ask for my champagne shimmer and am so excited I can hardly stand it. I tell the girl behind the counter how it is the perfect shade and has changed my life. She says…. “ well, uh… we… like… discontinued it” Meanwhile Landon is doing figure 8’s through my legs and periodically slamming her head in to “the downstairs area’. I beg the woman for a replacement – “do you have partially used one?” “can you call Bobbi personally and get me one?” You know – this is serious. Landon now reaches for the counter and a 50.00 blush brush, which is so large you can also use it to groom a horse. My groveling continues.
So the net is there is no champagne shimmer, there will never be a champagne shimmer, champagne shimmer is dead…. Dead, do you hear me? Services to be held next week. It was discontinued, just like everything else I have ever had any fondness for: Warners crossover Chantilly lace bra, estee lauder pink organza lipgloss, Hit or Miss no run panty hose and even the entire store (the whole chain closed down for heavens sake), Java Creek restaurant, and Bobby Sherman (he is a paramedic now… did you know that?)
So there you have it – I have plain lips and am wondering if I will every again get my mojoe back. I drop Landon off at school which starts with Landon propelling a piece of maple stuffed French toast at my head. She says “I sorry Mommy” but I am not so sure. We finger dance to Mercy by Duffy and then do wop hum to Little Saint Nick as we go to school. And yes I know it is now May but she likes it. Have you gotten the complete picture of the excitement? So I take Landon in the building and I get back in my car to try to scrap the maple syrup out of my hair. I notice that I am being noticed by a man next to me. Oooohh… maybe I do still have it??? He opens the door, hops in his car doing the I’m looking at you but not really looking dance … then abruptly gets out. I am certain he has forgotten his kid’s blanket (which will make more a most unpleasant day all around). He looks at me again, then looks embarrassed… and sprints to another car altogether, gets in car #2 and hides his head. The poor man totally got in the wrong car and tried to start it and all because I have so much mojoe. Could you just die???
Ok, I am quite aware that this man is probably sleep deprived and that it had nothing to do with me – just let me have this little bit of fantasy… remember I was finger dancing earlier..
And then again I try taking Landon shopping. Yes, it is true…I just really am not that smart. As the last man who showed any interest in me cannot even find his own car, I am still unsure of my mojoe level. I position Landon in front of the three way with her washable crayons so I can kind of see her. I see a tall handsome man from my gym. Excitement ensues. I am a little twitterpated, and proceed to fall off my clog. He does not see but Landon does. “bad shoes…not nice” she says. Tall handsome man is with a child and woman. Ham! He is married (remember we are not cursing here – so Ham is code for another bad word). He proceeds to tell me how that is his sister and nephew. So see he is interested and sort of flirting with me. Score! I am elated. Just then my friend who works in this store comes and pulls me to the side (probably to tell me how my mojoe has permeated the entire store). Jaidene says “they told me to watch that guy”. I said “I know, he is cute and I think he likes me”.
She continues “well that is nice because he is a shoplifter”. SPIT! I cannot believe this. I hide in the dressing room where I can see Landon’s feet as she lays coloring. I start to try on a new top as I am now depressionary shopping and new things will help me stay in denial of my lack of mojoe. She is quick though and flings open the saloon door to my dressing room. I am sporting only a bar and not a new one at that. Hit the deck. Hit the deck. And I did… Then I grab her feet and drag her in the with me, covering my ta ta’s with someone’s leftover tried on sweater. I am just done! I ask Jaidene for a dewars with a twist but all I got was the twist. We just left – I mean where can this go?
Time for Landon’s bath (for which sleep will follow). Hallelujah! I say “okay, c’mon, lets hurry and get our bath. Now scoot, hop in” And she does – runs in – halls booty and jumps in, clothes, diapers, shoes, everything on. I guess it is efficient but not what I had in mind. Picture attached.
Uncle Kim came to visit – we had a ball. Landon keeps asking for him, looks under the bed and behind the couch as if I am hiding him.
Landon celebrated earth day with her class recently. They all had hats made of various leftover materials. Then go on a parade. Parade, let me translate, means a jaunt around the school with 50 kids doing whatever they want, while 10 adults try to catch them. Hysterical! Then they have to spend the rest of the afternoon in the dark – no lights – sort of Daniel Boone. You will see a sample of their outfits. When I saw Landon, I said “she looks like a recycled Pochantes”. Tell me you do not agree.
We are fine, we are well, we are happy. I hope you all are too.