Monthly Archives: May 2010

Output Management


I have a new role … that of output manager.  It comes with no raise or uniform, no accolades nor awards… only output… massive amounts of output and a state of confusion as to how I got here.

We have been home about 2.5 weeks now.  Tennyson is sleeping from about 7:00 -5:30. Not bad except I hate 5:30.  Landon is a real pistol (which is what they said  in the olden days for pain in the ass).  She doesn’t want to go to sleep…never… any excuse will do… It often goes like this.

 Mommy  I sick…

Mommy my tummy hurt

Mommy my back hurts

Mommy I need an ice pack

Not dat ice pack MOMMEEEE, da elmo one

Mommy I hungry

I need ice cream

MOMMEEE I need I need

 I hear three is the new 2 … OMG.   She may not see 4

Landon and Tennyson do play well together.  Landon gives her ½ of her cookie when I make her; that is her definition of sharing 8 cookies.   She tries to pick up her sister. Looks something like a headlock with upward vertical movement.

 We have been to the doctor a few times for colds and tests.  I was asked to get stool sample.  Seriously… this is way too glamorous a life…

The nurse told me “make sure you get one without urine in it”

                        Pause….Pause…. Pause…           Now these are educated folks right…

“Um ma’am…. I know that I sell software but…. It is all sort of coming from the same area…the same hood ya know… how does one do that?”  She was not amused. She told me to line the diaper w/ cellophane, then put it on Tennyson…. “this makes the removal easier”.  Are you kidding me?  Have you tried with a 15 month old?  You can’t even catch her and you want me to hold her down and line her diaper with cellophane – talk about non-stick…

 Lets just say that as I sat there w/ the blue gloves and popsicle stick scraping what could easily have passed for a skunk into three tiny tubes, I really felt for Carol Brady… I mean she had six kids, wore heels and her husband was gay.


 It is compounded as I watched Tennyson dribble out of her diaper on the carpet squares and as Landon stood outside the bedroom door and said MOMMEEEE!  I look up to see her spring a leak in the hallway… LANDON GET IN THE BATHROOM.    

Saturday we went to the farmers market. We were on about the 5th vendor of 60 when Landon said “Mommy I need pee pee”.  You are kidding me right?   “no mommy”.  ALL I WANTED WAS SOME TOMOATOES.  It was just as well I guess because when I went in the bathroom, I noticed the 4×6 piece of paper towel attached to my buttocks via maple syrup (French toast for breakfast).

 It has been crazy trying to juggle two …I will not lie.  I lost my cordless phone a month or so ago.  Finally found it in the pantry behind the chips….   I have been doing well to get meals with popcorn and a multi vitamin being a staple for dinner.  Last night I had a peanut butter banana shake with a side of kale.

 We are trying a multitude of things for Tennyson’s palette.  I have decided she likes anything messy.  Sunday’s lunch included mashed potatoes which she finds quite amusing to spit/spray on my yoga top.

 So I realize this has been an “output” oriented update for the most part…  However, this is my life and as my family, friend or poor innocent soul who wondered out here in error… you too must suffer.


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Posted by on May 25, 2010 in Uncategorized