The Heart of The Fart

14 Jun

The thing about the fart, a real toddler fart is that………well…. For one thing they stink (Holy Mother do they stink) and you know – you just know no good can come of them.   At the Heart of that fart is trouble.

Well…………. Tennyson is really a gas machine.  Swear I think I could use her stinkbombs to fuel an RV.

Tennyson wakes up at 11 with a massive blowout – cleaning poop up to her solar plexus.  Change the sheets. Start clothes, Tennyson wide awake.

Rock, walk, Rock, walk,  cuddle, rock, put down in crib   WAAAAA WAAAAAA WAAAAAA

Lather, rinse, repeat.

12:30 finally get her in crib – sprint across carpet (much like a gazelle escaping her predator) to my room


Say its not so  ……….. Tennyson is awake.

Creeping quietly … maybe she stopped…… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

No just catching breath to go again.

Blowout number two… right through pj’s.  GRRRR

Change her AGAIN

In my bed to catch a few more winks

5:50 a.m. MOMMMMMMY  — its Landon… “Mommy I pee pee’d just a little tiny bit”.  Seriously NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Change her clothes ,  change bed

Change mind about motherhood????? No just kidding

My first day back at work. I am ready – exhausted but ready.

Gourmet breakfast of frozen pancakes and yogurt

Into the car.

Landon says “Mommy I till so  berry hungry.”

Hand her a kids organic breakfast bar.

Tenny grunts – UGGG  UGGG

I ask/bribe Landon to give her a bite.

She tears off a bite the size of a pin head and hands it to her.  I am thinking Tenny won’t even be able to see it – but she does.  She puts it in and makes a face.  30 seconds later —  BLAT BLAT BLAT

Shut up …. I cannot look…………….NOOOOOOOOO       She has hurled 1 mile from school.


Trying to clean her up as Landon tells me “mommy she tick… she needs go to doc’er”

As we walk in the school, well they have on matching outfits (except landon’s is without vomit) – don’t get your knickers in a twist – we do it like once a month.

Her teacher says – “oh they are so cute, they match”

Well…. They did….

Next night Landon, thankfully sleeps all night (Yahoo!) without waking up to tell me her eyelash hurts and she needs to eat candy in my bed.

Progress?  God I hope so.

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Posted by on June 14, 2010 in Uncategorized


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