I had my eyes dilated today. What a pain in the arse. You walk outside and it is like they stuck a well lit sparkler in your eye. The doctor told me that if you drink a cup of coffee it will help w/ the symptoms. What? Does that sound right to anyone? I am thinking he is getting kickbacks from Starbucks.
I hopped in the car and looked in the rear view mirror. AKKKKK! AKKKKKKK! Landon? what? Its all a blur… Her baby doll is sitting in her carseat — but when dilated …. it looks quite a bit like her. I thought I had held her captive all day in the car…. hmmmmmmmm.
Okay so I wake up to Landon standing on my bed oh maybe 2:15 ish. (Tennyson like a lamb asleep – God only knows how). Landon is standing there holding her toy broom shouting “ON CAR….. ON CAR”. Okay I am in a fog ….agreed… but what the heck…
“MOMMMMMMMMY….dey is a monster….its a reary beeeg one”
Oh…………… On Guard.
You cannot rationalize w/ a 3 year old on monsters.
“MOMMY …DO IT ….DO IT…..HURDRY…………..MOMMMMMMMY”
Sadly it is time for the Monster Dance. How it started I don’t know — probably the result of a night of sleep deprivation and an evil leaf blowing outside. I must stand now… on the bed… not the floor. I have to sing the song:
- Monster …. Monster Be Gone
- Monster…. Monster I know James Bond (it rhymes… kinda)
- Monster…. Monster Out Tonight
- Unless You Want a Mad Mommy Fight…..
And there has to be a dance… All the while the arms must wave, a howl, a football shuffle, back arch and one Saturday Night Fever John Travolta point to the sky to finish. I must then jump off the bed to freedom ensuring Landon she is also free to go. Over the top….. Yes. Does it work? Oh yea.
The dancing alone will scare any monster within a 60 mile radius away… so if you live close to me ….you are well protected