The Kiss That Got Away

11 Jul

So we joined a new gym – JCC – Jewish Community Center.  Very nice gym – I am excited about it.  Arrive at the desk to check in/sign paperwork.  “Hi… I’m Kelly Ozley… Ari has my paperwork here… he said he would leave it at the front desk.”

“oh which Ari?  Ari Feldman, Ari Ephron, Ari Greenfeld or Ari Kissling?”

Seriously… are you kidding me… remember two toddlers in tow here.

“Dude…I have no idea, he is like in membership or management”.

“Oh… they all are”

A little time and we found what we were looking for.

And we had our second swim lesson.   We finish our session and go to get my purse in the locker room.  There is a woman – COMPLETELY naked – could not have been more naked had she just left the womb .  She has these ENORMOUS mammary glands. I mean looked like they should have their own zip code….. EACH

Landon in her toddler innocence…..  “Mommy…. What ARE dose?  I mean I got nothing here.  Softly “well honey… you know how women have breast, like Mommy and…..”

“But dey are SOOOOOOOOO beeg! Mommy Wow!”

And we already know that toddlers are incapable of whispering – so you can imagine.   One woman snickered… the perp just gave me an evil glance.

And it was like Landon was drawn to this lady – kept moving closer to her…. Sort of like the mother ship.

Seriously though would it kill you to put on a bra and maybe some panties.   I mean … come on….no one needs to see that aakkkk!

The girls are on the upswing and fighting periodically (as is to be expected).  Landon screamed today and I turned to see Tennyson combing Landon’s leg and with a significant pressure.  “Tennyson… stop combing your sister’s leg”…. Never expected to say that.

The latest toddler “lie” goes like this:

downstairs in the laundry room.  I hear movement.

That cannot be… Tennyson is asleep and my angel Landon is also on her way to some winks.

Creeping up the stairs, I hit the landing and pause to see Landon on the stool, reaching over the counter for a Hershey’s kiss.

She turns and catches me out of the corner of her eye…..the show begins:

“MOMMY…. Hi….. I NOT getting a choc-it kiss.  I not Mommy.”


All the while the tinsel is falling from her hand.

“Landon?”  — raised eyebrow, stern voice.

“Mommy….Mommy… jis calm down… I…I…I… all my wife….I jis want a kiss….thats all…jis because”


1 Comment

Posted by on July 11, 2010 in Uncategorized


One response to “The Kiss That Got Away

  1. Carrie

    July 12, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Hi Kelly,

    I was on Carolina Adoptions website and clicked on your blog and cannot stop laughing. You are hilarious!!!!!!! I clicked randomly and cannot stop reading because you are sooo funny! Keep writing its great!


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