I took the girls to the library today. We won’t be going back any time soon. In fact, I am not sure we are allowed in there again.
So we are excited – this is a new experience for us. Girls in tow, we walk in. I am thinking I am a very smart mama because I am getting something educational and FREE for my girls.
We walk in and this place is very large and newly renovated. Landon: “WOW Mommy”
I ask the front desk person as we walk in how many books we can check out “Oh… like 300 or so” — good to know. What kind of stupid answer is that?
It is key to note that pretty much the entire stroller trip to the Li-Barry I told Landon this is a place to be quiet.
“people are reading and working”
“Mommy I has to be quiet?”
“Yes honey you do”
“Mommy how long I has to be quiet?”
“As long as we are in there”
So the kids books are in the corner. Landon is picking up a huge stack of books. Meanwhile Tenny is running around as if this is a toddler Olympics, slowing down only to start a dominoes roll on the endcap of books.
I review Landon’s choices.
“This one won’t work honey”
“Well …We don’t speak Spanish”
“And this one – well no… it is about reptiles.”
“This one is a chapter book Landon – like 160 pages – Mommy won’t be reading this”
Tears, whine, oh so much drama. “ But Mommy my ho wife all I want is dis book”
Then in the CHILDREN’S section are computers. What the hey? I mean the sign says “For 12 and older”. Here is the thing—3 year olds can’t read. (unless they do that thing TV which I really do not believe teaches an 11 month old to read a menu – I mean come on….) What the hell were they thinking? Don’t you have some nice Waterford you would like to put here as well?
We check out Landon on the right, Tenny on the left. Tennyson keeps running off and I catch her (laughing all the way – watching Mommy run after me is just flippin hysterical.) Tenny’s running allows Landon the opportunity to escape in the opposite direction looking for more books written in foreign languages. Honestly this went on for 5-6 minutes. Finally I picked Tenny up and put her on the check out desk (it’s a self-service kind of thing – which totally makes no sense ,because the moms are in there with screaming and sugar infused children.) Landon I sort of squish between my thighs and the desk, which keeps her relatively immobile. They are marginally under control as I see it. Guess not because here comes the clerk. Oh how nice of you to join us.
She says with raised eyebrows and a periodic tsk tsk:
“You know I am going to help you, you really have your hands full” (translated you inept twit keep it down, this is a library not a circus).
“Oh and ma’am, next time no children on the counter; we have a liability issue with that”.
I had picked up one kid’s movie thinking this will add variety to our movie viewing. Alice in Wonderland. Post check out Landon proceeds to march to the stairs. The stairs leading to the grownup area (not porn – good Lord – just no kids). She is ready to see her movie. I am not sure why but she thinks we are going to see the movie here – like we are at the movie theater or something.
“Landon this is not where you see the movie. These people are just so nice they are letting us borrow it”
“I wan see my movie NOW”
“Landon no honey – we will watch it home after lunch…. It will be fun.”
“MOMMY NO NOW”
“Mommy – Mommy MOMMY” all the while the tears flow and then we collapse on the floor for more effect.
Absolute damn fit. We make it to the door. I cannot wait to get out of there because I feel like the entire place is staring at us.
We are outside…. I can see the sun – thank the Lord. More fits. Landon doesn’t want to get in the stroller. Landon still screaming about that damn movie – wanting to watch it as we stroll home. How in God’s name is this going to happen? Even the fancy strollers don’t come with DVD players. As I am explaining this to Landon and turning crimson, Tenny strolls off laughing –in to the street. She doesn’t make it because I scream bloody murder and sprint like hell to get her. Finally both girls are in the stroller and I am pushing almost 60 pounds up the hill in my flip-flops. Sweating all the way – Landon still wailing over the movie – Tenny out of snacks (I only brought her 4…what was I thinking we have been gone for a whole hour). By the time we reach the house, I think it is an illusion and I am squishing so much in my flops it sounds like a dolphin playing in the ocean.
Really, how essential is reading to their overall development?