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The Dawdle-Meister

20 Aug

Why is it that no matter how early we get up… we cannot get out the door on time?    It’s as if toddlers have like four speeds —

Slow

 Mo’ Slow

Dead standstill

or running like hell away from you 

All of them make me NUTS, but for today’s enlightening post I shall focus on the first three …. all can and are characterized as the DAWDLE.  Landon is The Dawdle-Meister.

Trying to get out the door for school — 7:30 a.m.

“Landon time for school”

“No Mommy I want watch a movie”

dawdle dawdle dawdle

“Honey… its time to get ready…come on”

“Mommy my tummy hurts”

“Do you need to go potty?”

Collapse to floor for dramatic effect.

“Honey come on… it will be fine…. you need to poop; you will feel better”  (I swear I feel that I talk about poop and bodily functions more than my OB/GYN … it is really ridiculous)

dawdle dawdle dawdle

Offering my hand for assistance… Landon taking with some struggle… adding extended moan to exaggerate situation.   She uses the wall to brace herself — attempting to get up.  Falls due to lack of quad strength and moans:

“My tummy ….. my tummy…. I not feeling well”

Through much encouragement and frankly some bribing, I get her dressed and we are making it to the kitchen.  It is 8:01 a.m.  She is to be at school in 29 minutes.

7 steps in to the kitchen.

“I need my princess shoes Mommy– they make me bootiful”

“Honey they are too big; you will fall”

dawdle dawdle dawdle

2nd dramatic portrayal of a toddler on the verge of a nervous breakdown.   Flailing, tears (sobs really) catching breath or attempting too (all the while I am fighting this and sweating).  It is 8:06 a.m.

We are 3 feet from the back door…. I think I can see the sun beneath it… this is the light at the end of the tunnel I have heard about.

8:11 a.m. — we are 15 inches from the back door … reaching for the handle.

“Mommy I need my big baby”  

MOTHER OF GOD!

This is the most hideous doll.  Landon refuses to dress her so she is filthy and is hard plastic in some parts,  soft stuffed fabric in others.  I call her Big Naked Baby (BNB).    I hate her.    She makes sucking noses with her bottle, bats her eyelashes and makes breathing noises when you lay her flat. It’s freaky…sort of … The Call Is Coming From Inside The House kind of thing.

“Where is the doll?”

“Mommy I no know….. you find it….. I NEED her”

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!!

All the while Tennyson is looking at us in wonder of  just what she has gotten herself in to.

I find BNB under the blocks and a blanket.  It is 8:16 a.m.  We are going to be late.  AGAIN… 

dawdle dawdle dawdle

2 children strapped in and ready to go. 

 I am wondering, as I pull out the driveway, if this is the way Carol Brady started….

you know…

                  before she married her gay husband.

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3 Comments

Posted by on August 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

3 responses to “The Dawdle-Meister

  1. Shell

    August 22, 2010 at 7:06 am

    I had to laugh at running like hell away from you. My boys think that speed is HILARIOUS.

     
    • kellyozley

      August 22, 2010 at 8:43 am

      Its like they are possessed. And I am super fast … how is it possible they can outrun me??? I’ll keep checking your blog; it is very clever and dead on.

       
  2. kellyozley

    August 23, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Hi Josh — I assume that you were interested in the Moldova adoption. Send me a note if I can help you at all. It is a LOT to take in.

     

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