Okay so I took a little trip for myself to Miraval. I really think they need to change the name to Miracle. It is the bomb!
If you have never heard of it… what do you like live under a rock or something? You seriously need to do yourself a favor and go to their website right now: www.miravalresort.com
It’s a spa/resort sort of place. The food is TO DIE FOR. Tons of exercise and yoga classes. Facials. Massages. Relaxation. So divine! I NEEDED a break.
It is not a place to meet men… although I did see more this time. I am pretty sure the men were dragged here kicking and screaming by their wives who will be forced (in retribution) to endure a camping or fishing excursion of some sort.
I am totally convinced that God is everywhere (or the Universe… whatever works best for you) but…. I sincerely think if He was going to pick a place to cop a squat… it would be right here at Miraval.
Let me tell you about my massage therapist — Jeff.
I am keeping him…
I think I am entitled.
He (Jeff… my Jeff…) has the hands of a very hot muscle-bound angel.
Angels can be hot… don’t you think?
Also…he has seen most of my body and did not even throw up.
His wife is a psychic reader at Miraval… so she is probably on to my little plan…..DAMNIT
He gave me such a great massage. At the end of it, he put hot wet towels on my feet … I nearly pee’d on the table.
This place is very peaceful… very spiritual. It is also a place for …. rich people. I mean I got a good deal ….it is so damn not here — you can totally fry your tootsies on the pavement — not everyone wants to melt… hence the good deal. Many of these rich women have had a significant amount of surgical assistance if you know what I mean.
Their mouths all looked stretched out in an unnatural smile … permanent and wrinkle free of course. They look like cats.. I am telling you.. they do.
I know what a big cat looks like — my boy Clyde topped out at 26 pounds.
One of these Botox Barbies was at my lunch table and overheard me telling another woman about my girls.
Well…… GET THIS…. she says…
“how did you make the decision to have kids over a man?”
How do you answer? Don’t make me go all Britney Spears crazy on your ass…..
I tell her “I didn’t decide NOT to have a man” (in the movie there will be subtitles with BITCH under her head) — “I decided I wanted children and to do something about it. And you know… I fully intend to have a really HOT husband.”
Pivot… turn.. hmmph!
I hate her and she must be eliminated.