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The Bison

31 Aug

I really love Denver.  

Being from Alabama (and basically still unable to drive in the snow) ….

lots of friends and family were surprised when I announced my plans to move here.

People always say “you guys have strange weather there”

I guess that is true but…

Everyone is fit here and in to the outdoors and we hardly have any bugs (I mean not like those roaches in the South). 

Seriously a palmetto bug … you seen one of those? 

Hell you may have ridden one to work – the things are so bloody big. 

And check this out….

they fly — ACCKK!

SHUT UP!  That is the God’s honest truth

So yes we have weather swings… its all good though… you just basically leave all your clothes out all year round… and you just deal.

What was the topic?

 I don’t even remember

 Oh yea….the bison.

 So I was just moving to Denver.  The one thing I remember from the Chamber of Commerce information was that they showed the demographics with a 5 to 1 men to women ratio.

Hold the Phone! 

Bring the car round…

I am outta here.

Put that on the front page and you’ll have all kinds of women out here.

Ummm.

Never mind…

love the brochure just as it is ….

need no extra competition.

 

 Okay so again

 – moving here… I am about to move to Denver.

I  was invited to a snowmobiling trip in the mountains.

This sounds fantastic.   I mean a lodge, some UGG’s, a hot toddy, a hot body… oops!

There will be way more men than women…

and I damn sure am not driving a snowmobile….

 so I will have to hold on to one of those cute boys.

 I am about to die I am so excited.

So I call for reservations and to get some more information.

“Hi this is Brenda, how can I help you”

“Hi Brenda..

 I am so excited …

I am coming with a group snowmobiling.

 I am new to this…

never done it before….

Can you give me some information?”

Waiting for Brenda to educate me … but all the while thinking about all the men who will be there.

So Brenda is hooking me up – sets me up with a room. 

She explains the layering systems (which means bring all your clothes from North Carolina and put them on at once)

She stresses the importance of protective eye gear and exposure.  Brenda knows her stuff.

MEN MEN MEN … planning my attack… will have to get those sexy ski pants to sport.

“Well so Brenda… is it dangerous”

“Oh no… you just have to be careful of the python”

 

“What… are you serious….. a python….way up there? 

How is that possible? 

I mean I hate snakes…

how can they survive in that cold? 

I will absolutely FREAK if I see one…

Are they all over or like in just certain areas?”

 

Silence….

I am certain I hear air moving…

and noises…

it almost sounds as if someone is laughing.

 

 “Hello…. Brenda….are you there?”

 “um… no, no, ma’am, I am still here”

 “Um ma’am…

it’s bison…

bison…

not python…

we really don’t have a big issue with reptiles when there is 3 feet of snow on the ground”

 “oh”

 Bison?  Who says Bison… this is not Animal Planet. 

Why don’t you just say “TATANKA”  — geez!              (Dancing with Wolves)

 Would it have killed you to just say buffalo like everyone else?

 … guess I  won’t be needing that snake bite kit.

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Posted by on August 31, 2010 in Animals, Dances With Wolves, Denver

 

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