Getting ready is basically a circus act around here—it’s just…
I am the only one in the audience.
I am always last…
last to be dressed.
I consider it quite an accomplishment if I get any sort of hairstyle or accessory…
such as …
So this gave me time to ponder my mama mojoe. It has become very obvious that the definition of “sexy” has changed drastically post children.
|Before – Single Sexy||After – Sexy Mama?|
|Nordstrom’s Stuart Weitzman shoes||Flip Flops|
|Sparkly evening bag||Backpack|
|Contour cheekbones with bronzer and cheek shimmer for Princess Grace’like effect||Slap lipstick on cheeks, pray the lines blend in to freckles|
|Victoria’s Secret Lace bra||Bra-llelujah – to hide back fat|
|Tanning center for all over natural glow||Fake tan sprayed only on exposed areas|
|Imported French soaps||Irish Spring|
|Layered expensive perfume with coordinating lotion and matching powder to ensure lasting and alluring aroma||Lady Stetson|
|15 minute cat nap for replenished appearance||Slap face to cause instant wakeup|
|Pedicure with paraffin treatment||Closed shoes – preferable moccasins|
|Curl and style hair||Ponytail|
|Dressed to the 9’s||Took a bath|