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My Food Network

18 Sep

The food channel has become a great escape for me…

The lure of a time for creative cooking….

Something other than “kid” food…

Fish sticks and mac & cheese…

Something I dream about around 2025 …

post college.

In the meantime, I find my friends and food variety on the food network.

Lets start Paula Deen.

She is just a pretty Southern lady

A little round perhaps…

But pretty.

And her skin just glows…

I am convinced that she just rolls around in all that butter and the wrinkles have nothing to hold on to.

And she calls it “but-ta” ya’ll

The ingredients, for any and all of her recipes contain at least one, sometimes all, of the ingredients below:

    • But-ta
    • Sour-a cream (southern pronunciation)
    • Heavy cream (the woman has never even heard of 2%)
    • Cream cheese
    • Short-nin’
    • Mayonnaise

    And vegetables…

    Well for Ms. Paula, that is the mint sprig adorning your breaded and stuffed pork chop.

    You have to love her!

    And Giada…

    I am sorry…

    I just don’t trust anyone who is that pretty and uses that much oil.

    Something fishy going on there.

    Tyler Florence

    The man is just a hottie.

    I don’t care what he is a’fixin’

    I’ll have some.

    Guy Fieri (or crazy hair, my pet name for him)

    He makes some pretty cool stuff but…

    I would not eat any of it for fear that whatever he is using to treat his hair may seep in to his latest creation.

    Rachel Ray.

    Love her!

    Do you get the feeling that she could get along quite well on a deserted island by herself?

    She has been talking to people for so long who aren’t actually there, she wouldn’t even notice.

    I mean it’s like you “thinks” you are right there…

    I can totally see it.

    “Hello Mr. Squirrel, I’m working on some Yum-O Shrimp Fra Diablo.

    “Oh and Mr. Snake, you can… um…eat Mr. Squirrel while I prepare a desert”

    Honestly she is just so darn cute though – you can totally imagine her as your neighbor popping in for some nachos.

    And then there is her “carry” …that is a restaurant term.

    Seriously, she is the master at totin’ (I totally have the Southern vibe going from Paula today)  crap from the refrigerator to the “prep” area.

    It’s like a juggling act with her Dijon, pearl onions, mozzarella, fresh basil, arugula,lemons, and marinating artichokes…

    Every time.

    And how about her invention that she is marketing?

    That bowl?

    The bowl that she puts all her scraps and trash in?

    The one that is like 15.99 on the QVC?

    I think she has a patent on it.

    A bowl…

    I mean it is only a bowl…

    Around my house, we put all the stuff in a TRASH CAN.

    And there is Sandra Lee.

    She is my personal favorite because she is so funny.

    Possible excerpt from her Semi Homemade show:

    “Hi all…  Today I am going to put these strawberries on top of this store-bought pound cake…

    And there you have it… Semi-Homemade”

    No kidding blondie!

    I am serious.. she is kinda like that.

    And have you ever seen the woman make a cocktail – whoa!

    Every show she makes a cocktail or two.

    And she must be getting a kick back from Jack Daniels or something because…

    she  ain’t making any spritzers my friends.

    Just so you know I am not exaggerating, here is a sample of her concoctions, the Butter-Rum Coffee.

    Ingredients

      • 1 shot butterscotch schnapps
      • 1 shot vanilla rum
      • 1/2 shot Irish Cream
      • Coffee
      • Whipped topping

    Directions

    To a coffee mug add butterscotch schnapps, rum, Irish cream and coffee. Top with whipped topping. Serve.

    Lie flat on your ass because if you are drinking this, you will end up there anyway.

    2 and ½ shots of alcohol…

    In coffee?

    Are you kidding me?

    That is a martini peeps.

    Have you ever had one of these?

    Never mind…

    you wouldn’t remember if you did anyway.

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    Posted by on September 18, 2010 in Uncategorized

     

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