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Dental Hygiene

21 Sep

I am going to the dentist tomorrow so…

I was reflecting on my dental experiences over the years as I was flossing (for extra credit) last night.

I was reminded (with numerous chuckles) of a trip to the dentist in my mid 20’s.

It is my normal routine…

I am up and at the gym by 6:00.  Looking yummy too (not!)

I have finished my workout and am headed to the dentist.  I did not shower, as who cares what the dentist thinks.

I’m just getting my teeth cleaned anyway…

it will just be some young blonde chick.

I have on my sweat suit.  And back then (you know like 20 years ago — gag, hate to even say that)

these were not the LuLu Lemon (LOVE them) or Nike sleek workout suits.

No friends, this is a genuine Hanes thick terry sweat suit.

Canary yellow.

Elastic legs.

In a word… SEXY

Off we go.  I am starving post workout.

This was also prior to the time of health and nutrition for me.

I whip out my Little Debbie Nutty Buddy and am in heaven. Seriously…

You can laugh all you want, but…

If you have not had one, do yourself a favor right now and go get a nutty butty.

You can thank me later…

I like Yellow Roses.

I go in and wait for the dental assistant.

I am not at all worried about the lil’ Debbie debris in my mouth…

Because this is why we pay young blonde cuties to clean our teeth.

“Hi”

Not looking up.    Hang on… that was a boy’s voice.

“I’m Dr. Washburn…  I’ll be cleaning your teeth today.  My assistant is sick.”

Uh Oh.

Please be an unattractive OLD man.

DAMN… he is cute.

  • He is cute.
  • He is handsome.
  • He is a DOCTOR.
  • Oh, yea, and he is single.

Good move Kel.

And I…

I…

Am sweaty…

Have little Debbie Crumbs all over my teeth.

Smell like a Reese’s peanut butter cup.

And I look…

Like Big Bird’s baby.

“Um…can you excuse me…I need to use the …facilities.”

Facilities?

I must be nervous.   I usually just say  “I have to pee”

In the potty I am.

CRAP   CRAP   CRAP

I am scrambling to correct my appearance in some way.

There is only so much you can do with a canary yellow terry cloth sweat suit.

You can’t belt it or throw on a scarf…

I don’t have a coat to cover it…

and its 89 degrees anyway.

This SUCKS.

Thankfully, I have on mascara and lipstick.

I am Southern…

So it is the 11th commandment.

Thou shalt wear mascara and lipstick at all times…

even when sleeping.

I find a moist wipe from a recent airplane trip – thank God.
I wipe my face and underarms (perhaps too much information here)

My teeth as best I can (not in that order).

Pinch cheeks for natural and painful glow.

Hair spray – poof.

This is the best I can do.

Plus I figure they are wondering what I am doing as I have flushed the toilet three times to disguise all my personal commotion.

I strut out in my yellow bird suit…which let me tell you is hard to do

in a yellow HANES sweat suit.

Trying to look cool…

but more looking like a giant crayon.

Dr. Washburn

(can I call you honey)

He proceeds to clean my teeth.

He is wearing his protective eyewear… Good thing as Lil’ Debbie crumbs are flying about.

Honey has to wipe my mouth about 8 times.  He thinks it is because of his tools and dental rinse.

He is unaware that I am slobbering over him and secretly naming our children.

And you are not going to believe this….

It worked….

He ended up asking me out ….

I mean not that very day…

but like a few weeks later…

when I had brushed my teeth…

and showered…

and ditched my yellow costume.

Ahem…good times.

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Posted by on September 21, 2010 in Dentist, Little Debbie's

 

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