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Sweet Child O’Mine

22 Sep

I am not sure if  this is worthy of a blog entry but… it sure has given me a few chuckles of late.

So we know that I am just really not all that sure what to do with a 3 and ½ year old…

who may or may not see her 4th birthday.

Humorous Scenario #1

A quick stop at the Safeway for milk, scooting through the check out.

“MOMMY!”

“What. Good Lord honey we are both in the same state; I can hear you.”

“MOMMY I WANT SOME ENIMAS…”

“LOTS OF THEM…”

What the hell?

The older gentlemen behind me was not quite sure what to say, so sort of side-stepped to the next lane. I am sure he would say that it was because that line was shorter…but I am not certain.

“MOMMY I WANT ENIMAS”

“Someone will hear you….shhhh”

I look down to try to silence her with my palm…

In her hand are some peanut M&M’s…

Or in toddler speak…

ENIMAS.

Humorous Scenario #2

Sunday our teenage sitter had both girls…

Just for a little while, so I could go through the hellish legging experience with Brittany…

I arrive and this poor child appears to be a bit shaken.

“what’s wrong?”

“Landon got a time out”

“Oh…why?”

“She locked me out of the house”

Okay that is not funny…

It really is not…

But it kinda is, right?

Apparently both girls were with the sitter outside…

Upon re-entering the premises, Landon came in first…

Looked at the sitter…

Laughed…

Shut the door.

Laughing some more.

And did a “sucker” dance to truly rub it in.

I look at this sweet child o’ mine.

The clever sprite says….

“Mommy it was acc’dent”

“really? How so?  Did the door spontaneously shut because of the hurricane force winds we are NOT having?”

Hmm….

Thinking….

“uh no Mommy…

Tennyson did it”

Way to through your baby sister under the bus…

Humorous Scenario #3

And then last night in an effort to stall and watch Hasselhoff get booted off DWTS…

Thank you God!  That was so very painful to watch….

but his mouth and all that leather….

It was like a bad advertisement for Brut for Men (as if they ever had good ads)

Landon was up and down about 10 times.

I can take no more…

I storm in behind her…

Losing complete control…

And deliver my Mommy Mantra…

“Landon …

You get your butt in this bed …

And stay in here”

She says with total sincerity…

“But Mommy…

See….

(pointing to her butt)…

it IS in here…

You see why I am crazy.  Every time I think I have it under control, this slippery little eel, comes up with something totally unexpected.

FINALLY, heading out the door to school this morning, she says:

“Mommy, can I look at your butt?”

“Wh?”

“Wha?”

What?”

“No, no you cannot look at my butt”

“Why would you ask me that?”

I am not sure why but this is just hysterical to her.

“butt…butt….butt…”

“Mommy butt butt butt”

Laughing, giggling, snorting

“my butt my butt butt butt butt”

she says, laughing, bending over…

“Landon stop saying that…its not nice…”

“Don’t say butt, say bottom or bum…

that’s gross honey”

(which of course makes her want to say it more)

I thought 8-year-old boys talked about butts and like pulled their finger to fart.

Where is the “butt” thing coming from…

and out of my Princess’s mouth?

Never mind…out the door we go.

“Mommy?”

“Yes Landon?”

“Can I see Tennyson’s butt?”

?????

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Posted by on September 22, 2010 in DWTS

 

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