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The Happy Meal

28 Sep

Mondays are usually very early and very busy for me.

So.. on occasion…

(like every Monday)

we stop at “McDonald’s”

And on those “Old MacDonald” days (what my oldest calls it), I am really baffled by what is inside those golden arches.

We HAVE to get happy meals…

because they are in colorful boxes which appeal to the under-developed eyes of toddler girls…

(those same eyes will later gravitate to varying shades of black to de-emphasize body parts of dissatisfaction).

But for now…

their eyes roll back in their heads anticipation.

The ride home is 20 minutes.  The bag nearly breaks as we get out of the car…

the oil slick that lines my passenger seat reveals the culprit.

I try not to think about it because I know that my kids eat well at school…

and the fact that I ate half the fries on the ride home…

(and nearly had an accident bending my head so they could not see)…

I feel that I am only abusing their intestinal lining half as much as I could have.

McDonald’s offers apples as a side which is a good thing right?

And you know why the apples are so good?

It’s the caramel sauce…

My Landon LOVES it…

I force her to eat other things before she can devour the caramel.

The fries…

The 6 that I did not eat…

Are now saturated in ketchup…

I should say the ketchup that escaped Tennyson’s grasp…

because 1/3 of the bottle now lines her face, my Ann Taylor sweater, and our pottery barn chair.

And the one thing the kids want most of all is enclosed in a scary little plastic bag…

which on more than one occasion…

my kids have tried to open with their teeth.

Yea…

that’s not dangerous at all.

And the toy will invariably make a noise or smell like something…

rotten blueberries or cheap chocolate.

Then there is the paint which chips off with little effort from a well-developed fingernail.

And its crap…

just crap…

Crap that you step on…

Crap that you don’t need…

Crap that the kids will cry over if it mysteriously goes missing.

All the while I examine this latest one trying to open its poisonous wrap…

and figure out what it “does’…

cuz you know it has to do something…

I mean it can’t just “BE” a toy.

Landon snuck the caramel from my peripheral vision and is licking it out with her tongue…

Straight out of the container…

TACKY!

The Apples…

Oh they are here…

All 15 of them…

On the table…

Not a healthy one in her mouth…

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Posted by on September 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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