At The Gap

15 Oct


Frightening…let me tell you.

The Gap…

had a sale…

40% off…


Everything in the entire store.

Seriously that is just insanity.

I had no idea because had I, you can bet your ass I would have been as far away from that hysteria as possible.

I needed socks…

Just socks…

Just brown socks for two girls…

brown is my signature color.

Because the next day was picture day at school…

and black socks would not go with their identical dresses.

I noticed something very profound while shopping

Boys and girls are different.


I know right…

I’m like super smart.

Stick with me for this and other epiphanies.

So I am waiting in line for 19 minutes to buy 2 pair of  brown socks.  I was smart and did not bring my kids.  I noticed two ladies each with 3 boys…

They were not so smart.

Oh My God.  It’s a whole different world – they are little delinquents.

It was utter pandemonium…

Madness I tell you

One set of boys is dive bombing the sweater rounder

One “young man” is walking around punching the mannequins to see how much force it takes to knock them over

The remaining three (whom I later realize are not siblings, merely partners in crime) are hurling what appears to be a colorful football the length of the children’s section.

I realize, as it whizzes past my unprotected eye, that it is striped sparkle girl leggings…

which at first looks peculiar to me…

but I realize the stripes and sparkles make a subdued 4th of July kind of effect in the Gap…

very appealing to hoodlums.

It was just such a departure from my girls.  Trust me it would not have been a pleasant situation with them too, in particular for the almost 4-year-old.

“Mommy I needs dees shoes… dey so bootiful…”

“Mommy I dies if I no has dem”

“Mommy can I has dis coat?”

“Mommy can I has dis bootiful skirt?”

“Mommy see I look so gor-gis in dis hat”

It would have been a whine and beg-fest.


So back to the mothers of  devil’s spawn:

Both ladies, in near unison, say “hey guys… can you keep it down?”

Keep it down?

Keep it down?

Are you kidding me?

How about can you not vandalize the storefront?

How about can you watch out for the old lady shopping with the granddaughter?

How about stop throwing store merchandise?

Both  of these moms…

I mean dressed…

like in real clothing…

The mother of these hellians

One in her riding boots, shawl with adorable cap.

The other in leggings showing us all an irritatingly taut bottom.

Finishing touches with the UGG boots – a bit much to me as the Denver high is 65…

but no one asked me standing there in yoga pants

(which I have worn for the last 3 days)

and my favorite baseball cap which reads…


(it’s my mantra)

How are they dressed?

And so nicely?

I mean I think…

but am not sure…

I even have on underwear.

Maybe the fact that they didn’t have to coordinate


and leggings…

and socks…

and shoes…

and dresses…

allowed coordination of their own wardrobe.

I don’t care.  I can tell you how these boys are going to end up…


Just like this.

His Mother? At the Gap.


Posted by on October 15, 2010 in Gap, Misbehaving


2 responses to “At The Gap

  1. Marge Roate

    October 15, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Kelly…you give my days such a boost of energy and laughter! Not sure if Suzanna is on your list, but I’m forwarding it to her. Now Alex would never…never…never behave those boys did. She and Garth have him quite disciplined. HOWEVER…you can bet you butt, Alex dresses ivy league sharp! Love ya, Aunt Margie

  2. kris

    November 21, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    For me?

    It is less a matter of boys and girls than parenting styles. I always tend to think that moms who look more like me (rather unkempt and possibly getting a third day of wear out a pair of jeans) are more equipped to deal with motherhood than the women with the perfect hair and the perfect clothes and the perfect asses.

    Not that I wouldn’t be awesome with great hair and great clothes and a taut ass.

    But as I do not have those things?

    I prefer the interpretation in which I have sacrificed these things to be an awesome mom.

    Yeah, that’s it.



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