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Turbulence

14 Nov

Let me tell you about turbulence when flying.  I can tell you that it is newly defined.  Forget those little air pockets.  Turbulence is traveling with two under four.

Just madness.

So I have the two girls.  We are boarding the plane.  And I see that we are in the bulkhead…

Which I am unaware initially will allow more room for fighting and throwing fits.

5A and 5B we are.

Window and aisle.

Tennyson can still fly as a lap child.

She and Landon are so small, I am thinking they can share one seat.

Big sis is having nothing to do with this.

“Mommy

No… it not comf’ble”

Say what?

Are you kidding me?

Would you like to know the last time I was comf’ble?

2006

GRRR!

Row 5 is the divider between First Class and Coach

The Have’s and the Have Not’s

We are appropriately placed.

My seatmate is Steve.  Very nice… Thank God.

Although it did not go unnoticed that he had two vodka lemonades at first passing of the cart.

Do you think that was related to us?

Tennyson is having a miserable day…

As a result…

Our entire flight is having a miserable day.

Throwing her sippy mug.

Kicking the seat in front of us.

Arching her back so I cannot control her (as if I had a remote chance anyway…)

One sock in 6C’s lap, one in Steve’s cocktail.

Fun times

Landon is begging Steve for some of his lemonade.

He is so kind and actually pours her some (sans the vodka)

Watching my watch…

52 minutes…

54 minutes…

56 minutes…

For the love of all that is Holy -- BE QUIET!

Seriously how long can one child cry…

Longer than 56 minutes.

And just so you know – I gave both girls Benadryl before the flight (as our pediatrician advised)…

Not working AT ALL.

And I brought a book to read…

How ridiculous is that thinking?

Never even cracked open the damn thing.

In the middle of the meltdown, I see a levitating pillow out of my peripheral vision.

What?

Upon closer inspection, I see 4A’s hand attached.  She is handing my daughter a pillow.  A first class pillow.

Landon is very excited.

11 minutes later…

The hand appears again… with a blanket

Then 8 minutes later with pretzels…

Thank God this gets Tennyson’s attention as it is more interesting than smashing gummi bears in to the seat tray.

Steve, the co-parent, nudges me and says…

“Hey why don’t you see if she can get us some of the good stuff instead of these pillows?”

I like Steve…

We will be good friends.

Then in another 10 minutes this angels says…

“She (landon) can come sit with me and watch a movie if that is ok”

Are you kidding me??

Can you take two?

SOLD

Landon is now a Have.

I am left to co-parent with a perfect stranger for 2 more hours.

I order wine, just one little white wine.

I don’t do that often on planes – but I feel I have earned it.

The rest of the flight is basically a blur.

I am watching Landon between the seats eat a variety of fancy first class foods:

nice cheeses, fruit with dipping sauce, warm cookies…

I am doing my best do polish off the goldfish because it is about all I can manage right now.

I feel an odd sensation…

What could that be?

DAMNIT!

Now I know what I am sitting in…

My dignity…

And the full cup of applejuice Tennyson has just spilled.

My wine?

Oh you can bet I finished it but…

I couldn’t bear to pour it in a cup and risk spilling it.

So…

I drank it…

Right out of the bottle.

 

It was tacky…

Yes it was…

And it was good.

Don’t judge me…

I had to.

As I leave the plane with two in hand…

My saturated jeans make me appear to need a Depend…

I take a quick look back at our row as we exit…

If you didn’t know better you would think a pack of squirrels had just polished off an Osmond family picnic.

PARTY!! Look what the kids left!

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6 Comments

Posted by on November 14, 2010 in Toddler, Travel, Traveling with kids

 

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6 responses to “Turbulence

  1. Marge Roate

    November 15, 2010 at 7:09 am

    You need to consider charging the airlines an entertainment fee! Folks pay huge bucks to see live productions on Broadway. Just label you and your girls as “off Broadway.” Okay..so way off Broadway…but who needs to know?

     
  2. Kali Capps

    November 29, 2010 at 1:31 am

    This was awesome. Completely and totally awesome.

     
  3. Kirsty

    November 29, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    I am so there.
    On Sunday I travelled with 2 kids under 2 by myself.
    The flight itself – I cheated and played videos,the Wiggles – better than drugs.
    Getting on the flight? Getting through the metal detector, taking off the baby, getting the toddler out of the pusher and then holding on tight, trying to take the computer out of the bag at the same time…
    And then of course trying to change everyone and go to the toilet. Interesting. And not in a good way! May I shoot the person who designed the airport parents room. Please.
    Thank you so much for your blog – not only did it make me laugh and laugh but I don’t feel so alone in putting my fellow passengers through the wringer. (Now the flight before last… sans Wiggles… 8 months pregnant with a toddler who had been in an airport waiting lounge for 7 hours because of a delayed plane. I just can’t go there!)

     
    • kellyozley

      November 29, 2010 at 3:05 pm

      Wow – you are tough lady. People just don’t get how involved it is to travel with kids. My hat is off to you – 2 under 2. Whoa! I had a page out here on Traveling with Toddlers. check it out when you have time. You might see some travel gadgets you were not aware of.

       
  4. ihilani

    November 30, 2010 at 12:02 am

    hooray for rich nice people! And I thought flying with a baby was hard. Flying with toddlers and small children takes the cake I’m sure. I am your newest follower. Found you on Pretty All True and I have been laughing for the past ten minutes. thanks!

     
  5. TF Dragon

    May 13, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    wow, nice people.

     

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