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Southern Belles

23 Nov

I am Southern, raised in Alabama. Then a 15 year trip to North Carolina.

So I am a bonafide Southern belle.

And as such…

I feel qualified to comment on what that means…

Pardon me... but could ya'll get lil' ol me a mint julep?

So here we go.

If you are a Southern Belle…

 

Well…

For 1, you like your barbecue…

But southern barbecue…

It must have a heavy tomato base…

More is so much better with barbecue.

And if you are in Alabama, you must pick a school for which to root…

Auburn or Alabama

I don’t want to sway your choice but.

Weagle Weagle, War Damn Eagle, Kick em in the butt, Big Blue, Hey!


Belles are clever…

I swear you could give them a piece of dental floss and head of cauliflower…

and somehow they will create the most beautiful centerpiece ever.

You are pretty…

Southern women, they say, are the prettiest in the country…

Playboy came to Auburn when I was in college for that reason…

Because they said the women were so pretty…

And can you BELIEVE?

They didn’t pick me for the centerfold.

Assholes.

Diddy is what you call you father (regardless of whether you are 8 or 80)

Yes Ma’am and No Ma’am are mandatory…

Pretty much if you are over 18 you are referred to as ma’am or sir…

And if kids don’t say ma’am and sir…

They get a whooping.

Speaking of whoopings…

You will most likely have been made to “git” your own switch…

And you best pick one that is the right size or you diddy will be gitting a bigger one.

You say reckon…

A lot.

And ya’ll…

A boatload you say…

It’s my personal favorite.

SEC football is your life.

And honey you dress for the game.

Skirt perhaps and even heels…

Oh yes …

You will look good when you are trashed at the game.

I’m betting you are always put together.

Never without mascara and lipstick.

11th commandment – though shalt not be naked of face.

You think ing’s are really unnecessary…

Such  as baking, fishing, fixing

Instead you prefer bakin’, fishin’, and fixin’ – (my #1)…

And used in a sentence…

I am fixin to be bakin and fishin.

You go to the Southern Batptist church in all likelihood

You probably got married young, like right after high school college.

You know a thing or two about fatback.

If you went to your 10 year high school reunion as a single girl…

you were one of 2.

That were unmarried,..

(and one was engaged)

You call your mama…

A lot

You are likely not a Vegetarian

Paula Deen is your idol.

If you are Southern I bet you can make a mean pecan pie and a smoking cornbread dressing (honest to God that stuff is killer).

I’m guessing you have at least two Easter bonnets.

You might like a little Jack at times.

Your husband is fond of Skoal and his chew.

Your living room is the portal to Southern Living Magazine.

Immaculate… doilies and all.

And Pièce de résistance is

Bless her heart is your mantra…

And it’s great because it’s like a get out of jail free card.  Example:

Mary Lynn did you see Georgia’s pants…

Lord child…

they were near bout painted on…

bless her heart…

she’s been putting on the pounds since Fred had that affair with her cleaning lady.

You can say anything you want…

And Bless Ya Heart…  (or bless his heart or bless ya heart — use interchangeably)

Like erases it all.

Ya’ll enjoy now… ya hear!

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3 Comments

Posted by on November 23, 2010 in Beauty

 

Tags: , ,

3 responses to “Southern Belles

  1. Kay Gillis

    November 29, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Your 11 th commandment makes me think of Miss Shirley! She once told me how she hated hotels with coffee in the lobby because she had to do her makeup before going down to get a cup. Asked me if I didn’t just HATE that, too? Me, who rarely did makeup for work…let alone for strangers in a hotel lobby!

     
  2. Marge Roate

    December 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Now Kelly….bless ya heart….you’re gittin a bit personal! I do represent those of whom you describe!!! AND….WAR DAMN EAGLE! Love ‘dem Tigers…bless their hearts!

     
  3. Marge Roate

    December 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    One more thing! Remember that I played the drums in the Auburn Band…back in the day! Okay…so it was a really crazy day…but memorable and fun! Aunt Margie

     

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