Cashews Please and a Beer For My Friend

28 Nov

Parts of this are a repeat.  I ran in to a friend this weekend and she mentioned this story.

I thought I would repost it.

I have a pretty large pantry in my small house.   I had it redone about 2 years ago.   It has so much storage – I LOVE IT.  Sometimes I just stand there and marvel at it.  I store all my extra groceries and kid stuff down there.

So I go in there for something important…

Like goldfish (honest to God, those damn things are CRITICAL)


I noticed that some things were on the ground in there.  I thought maybe it was the cat.


Little black poopies.


That was not the cat…


Appropriate screaming follows.

I really really really hate mice.

But the door is secure and I am a full floor away, so will be safe.

The next morning I must revisit the pantry of terror for the paper de la toilet (TP) and I notice more things on the ground.  This little mouse is a messy little bugger…

Hearing a scuffle, I look up to see a furry tail…

In my pantry…

With my food.


AKKKKKK            ACCCKCKKK                  ACCKKK

I really wish you could have heard me…

Just know it was something like this… only without the knife.

I screamed like the sissy girl that I am.

Throwing the child in the car, I raced to Home Depot and got some boxes and chicken wire to fix the problem.

I am just about to hyperventilate as I drive.

Okay I can do this…

Child in bed for nap, I venture down just to take a little peak…


The little shit squirrel (which I fondly refer to as deadman) has come back and knocked over a bottle of balsamic vinegar dressing.

Do you know how that smells?

It was everywhere -on the Glad trashbags, on my handweights, a headset, ream of paper…….  ggrrrr.


Adrenaline kicking in…

I shove  bricks and cardboard in the open area. I don’t even think air can get in now.

I am about to damn die…

There is a rodent in my home…

And I have a clean home — where did he come from?


During the infestation, it is also time for the alarm dude to come check out the windows/doors for security.

Well we examined all the windows.  The last one was the one in panty/storage closet.

I was showing the alarm guy…

Curtis, now my close personal friend, the pantry window and it just didn’t look right.

I looked closer and am wondering how my kitty Bonnie got in there, when…

It raises its head…

Satan’s squirrel.


Hauling ass out of there…

Curtis is a quiet man…

Thoughtful and purposeful…

He is staring in wonderment at my quick departure…

He says… “Is something wrong?”

Sweet Jesus man are you blind?

“There is a squirrel in there… in the window”

I am seriously jumping up and down now…

I look like I have bedbugs…

Curtis braves the pantry for a closer look and comes out to say

“well no, its actually two of them”.

akkkkkkkk!  akkkkk!  Oh my GODDDDDDDD!

These two squirrels were sunning themselves in the window…

all sprawled out and relaxed…

as if to say…

“cashews please and a beer for my friend”.

I was so freaked out…

Curtis was too, let me tell you.

He said “do you need me to call someone”.

I said yes and meant the exterminator.

I think he meant the men with the white jackets.


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Posted by on November 28, 2010 in Animals


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