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A Lifetime of Lifetime

06 Dec

Tis the season…

The season of sappy holiday flicks.

And I will confess.

To watching more than my fair share.

I even…

DVR them.

Why?

I have no idea.

Habbit…

And what if?

Just what if I miss one?

I mean I may only have another 47 opportunities, this month alone, to watch it.

 

And the kids can watch them.

Because…

There’s generally no sex …

On this, The Chick Channel

Usually a 2  hour build up to one long and pretty benign kiss.

 

And they are all Made For Television Movies…

Because…

You are certain that the theaters could not handle the mad rush at first release.

 

And also?

You can bank on seeing…

At least one of your favorite childhood actor favorites:

Like the girls from The Facts of Life.

“Blair” – Ms. Lisa Whelchel…

Stellar performance guaranteed.

And Tutti?

Who does not miss Tutti?

 

And Mrs. Garrett – remember her?

She always had those pearls of wisdom…

Something about how the layers of cake are like the layers of your friends…

and how important each one is together…

or the cake is just like icing and batter…

???

 

You know…

You were always like what?

 

My favorite is “Jo” Nancy McKeon with a slew of Lifetime Classics under her belt.

 

And then there are the actors who have fizzled a bit…

Crystal Bernard from Wings – I’ve seen her in three already this year.

 

Linda Hamilton?  (remember the Terminator??)

I would poke a little fun at her but I’m afraid she will kick my ass.

 

Meredith Baxter Birney?

they might as well rename the channel The MBB.

 

And the quality of the acting…

Well…

I will just say

I see a new Lifetime category in the Emmys.

The Emmy for Most Dramatic Over-performance in a made for TV movie.

This one will be really hard to call.

 

And you can be sure of one of two things…

You will gag or cry or both at least once during this Lifetime Movie event.

And you will get caught up on all your commercials…

Because Lifetime has a special agreement with the commercial people to cram as many in to a two hour slot as possible.

Resulting in an actual movie length of 52 minutes.

 

Plus.

There will be a critical secret revealed in the last 4 minutes.

One that even Sherlock Holmes at his peak would not have uncovered.

 

Such as:

Aiden Myers was raised in a circus family in Oklahoma 6 miles from the birth parents from whom he was abducted at 18 months.

GASP!

And…

His best friend discovered his real identity when he dating his twin sister who looks EXACTLY like him.

DOUBLE GASP!

It is confirmed when the two long lost siblings take a walk on the beach…

barefoot…

in December…

and notice the same webbing between their 3rd and 4th toes.

GASP GASP GASP  GULP GULP GASP GASP GULP

The edge of you seat you are as the siblings unite and embrace after 32 years…

And then…

Then?

It’s the Lifetime announcer…

Stay tuned for our next Holiday Classic.

Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus…

Starring…

Oh yea.

Crystal Bernard…

And…

Mr. Guttenberg.

It’s a double dipper!!

Pop the corn and grab a drink…

 

It’s the perfect sappy holiday afternoon.

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Posted by on December 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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