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Clean for Christmas.

27 Dec

Well…

I trust we all had a wonderful Christmas holiday!

Ours was very nice

super precious

and very much like Santa’s sleigh exploded in our living room.

I am still stepping on Barbie shoes and chocolate coins.

 

No relevance whatsoever...

 

Just a word up…

Those markers in the dollar bin at Target

For stocking stuffers?

 

 

NOT WASHABLE.

Translated…

Permanent.

On the Berber carpet

or the maple table

or Mommy’s camel Pashmina.

 

 

GRRRRRR

What sort of sadist makes a kid’s marker that doesn’t wash out?

 

Oh….

I see…

Here tis

Made in China.

 

We are invited to a really lovely Christmas meal.

My homemade vittles are ready

And I am frankly quite proud of that.

 

The girls are dressed (an absolute miracle)

We are packing up the car

And I hear Landon

“Ma——-om!”

 

“what is it honey?”

Seriously this is the 18th time in the last hour she has called me for some earth shattering update, such as…

“I look bootiful in my new headband”

Or “Tennyson is not sharing” (which has been the most repeated bulletin today)

 

“Look at Tennyson’s face.”

The child has used the Chinese indelible markers to color her face.

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

They both got new coloring books.

Honesly can I use an SOS pad?

We have to go!

Is 2 too young for a chemical peel?

 

What can I do?

I mean we have to leave.

I get all that I can off

And just hope that the remaining circular squiggles will not be that noticeable…

As they are in bright red.

 

But we make it and they didn’t fight for 20 minutes…

because they were asleep.

 

And we are mingling.

Such nice people…

Such fun.

 

And there is dip.

NOT DIP!!!

 

So I am enjoying adult dialog while holding the little one

She decides that mound of onion dip looks tantalizing.

So she gets some.

Like a lot

a lot a lot

Like about 2 tablespoons on a tiny chip.

 

Do I really need to tell you what happened next?

Splat!

It rolls off the chip and down my tiny chest…

landing in a large glob…

center stage.

Blat!

In the mouth it went.

Then out it came.

Like a large zip popping…

Without a tissue

OMG

I wasn’t going for sexy…

Or even pretty…

Just clean.

That is all I wanted for Christmas.

Just that one thing.

But…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

I am not even going to go in the Mashed potatoes.

You can really just figure it out.

Let’s just say my pants have so much natural starch in them…

they are virtually standing up in the corner…

on their own.

 

Maybe New Years?

I can be clean.

My new Holiday Mantra

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2 Comments

Posted by on December 27, 2010 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Parenting, Toddler

 

Tags: , , ,

2 responses to “Clean for Christmas.

  1. Marge Roate

    December 27, 2010 at 11:11 am

    I really like your mantra for the New Year! Go for it!! Love and hugs,

     
  2. Nanny Pamm

    January 5, 2011 at 9:26 am

    You need one of those clear plastic rain ponchos!

     

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