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The People You Meet in The Airport

30 Dec

We are waiting for the flight…

 

It seems to be taking forever when you are 2 and 4

 

This woman is sitting near us admiring my girls.  She tells me how much she wants grandchildren but her daughter is not cooperating.

What is the correct response here?

Wow she must love be badgered by you to reproduce?

 

Well then she has to tell me that she has wipes if we need them.

And they are special ones

They have silver in them.

I’m not shittin’ you.

And they are like $6.00 for 30 wipes?

I buy the 500 wipes for 4.50 — that is my kind a wipe.

 

Well she is going on and on about these wipes.

There are no toxic chemicals

Totally biodegradable

made from wood pulp

Patented Silver Shield to ensure things are sanitized.

Does someone have a sharp stick…

or a sword?

I would like to fall on it.

 

She mentions these wipes about 4 times and then says

Smell them.

Okay.

Wipes smell like …

Well wipes.

 

I mean is someone handed you a wipe blindfolded you would not say

That is a pickle…

Or mayonnaise.

You would know it is a wipe.

 

So I know she is looking for an astounded response.

“Oh my … is that a scent recovered from Mayan ruins?”

All I can muster is … “Wow that is yummy”

And I look away so I can roll my eyes.

 

Over and over she offers these wipes.

As my children are eating their McDonalds

To which she has furrowed her well kept brow.

 

So  seriously… we can blow through some wipes.

And 30 wipes?

I am pretty sure I can kill those before we even board.

I mean I am a generous wiper…

I mean wipe user…

Not wiper

How I wipe is irrelevant here and soooooo none of your business..

 

So now I need to fill our water bottle.

The fountain is right near us.

There is a gasp.

“You are not getting water out of there are you?”

And do you know…

Wipe Woman?

did a tsk tsk and rolled her eyes at me.

“well you know that is really not good water, not clean”

 

She is pissing me off.

“well…Landon picked someone elses gum off the sidewalk 2 weeks ago…

and chewed it…

I think we are okay”

 

It is now time to board.

Thank God because I am little sick of her snooty self.

 

And as she passes us boardings…

she chirps out…

 

“I still have wipes!!”

 

Congrat-u-damn-lations lady!

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1 Comment

Posted by on December 30, 2010 in Toddler, Travel, Traveling with kids

 

Tags: ,

One response to “The People You Meet in The Airport

  1. Marge Roate

    December 31, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Some folks just don’t know how to stay the wipe out of your business!

     

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