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Beechslapped by Rapunzel

13 Jan

K …

So …

we just got this doll.

Rapunzel.

After seeing the movie.

 

Well I saw about 40% of it

Because my youngest kept wanting to kick the lady in front of us

And run up and down the rows screaming…

“puppy”

 

Anyway

It is a cute movie and…

The doll is darling!

 

Da Beech

 

Cute right?

In a sort of

the Devil has taken possession of my soul

kind of a way.

 

Serious hair.

SERIOUS!

Down to her feet.

And a BIG head.

 

 

 

So…  I am lying with my uber excited daughter…

trying to get her to calm down.

And Rapunzel…

“Rapunzel must sit Mommy”

Then she has to swoop around to her pillow throne

Then swoosh back around with her 18 inches of hair flying about

to land between us.

WHAP!

 

Rapunzel has smacked Mommy

Dead center of her forehead.

I was bitchslapped…

by a doll.

Honestly her hair covered my entire head.

It could have been a fatal injury…

I might never have been found…

Covered in the down comforter and…

Smothered with blonde locks

Don’t inhale…

You will not survive.

 

DAMNIT

 

“LANDON!  you hurt Mommy”

“but Mommy it not Rapunzel fault…  she has to move.”

WHAT??

Honestly they look at you like  you are absolutely the dumbest person on the face of the earth…

and you wonder if they are not right?

 

I leave and threaten to chuck Rapunzel out the front door if there is any more commotion.

Plus…

I need to check my injury…

and get some Neosporin.

 

Landon and Rapunzel are now sleeping

So I think.

Pouring my long awaited and well deserved red wine…

UMMMM!

 

I hear a shuffle…

?

Padding across the floor?

Surely that cannot be  MY child.

 

“Mommy?

“Rapunzel’s hair … it so long”

(duh…that is like the story kid)

“I don’t know why… I cuts it”

 

Are you kidding me?

Rapunzel was $40.

Springing in to action… I grab Rapunzel

Safe from the shears for a few moments and tell Landon.

 

Listen honey…

“You git in bed NOW”  (I go Southern when I am tired and wine deprived)

 

“Me and Rapunzel are outta here

With the prince…

And let me tell you…

We are stopping at the liquor store first.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments

Posted by on January 13, 2011 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Parenting

 

Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Beechslapped by Rapunzel

  1. Grandma Terri

    January 14, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Miss Mary, if she was stll alive, will tell you many horror stories about Grandma Terri, scissors and a variety of dolls. Once again, it is in the genes/jeans! Lova ya

     
    • kellyozley

      January 15, 2011 at 10:50 am

      Hmmm. I bet I can coax this out of Uncle Karl….

       

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