Mama’s Sheepshank

20 Jan

My mama is the best launderer…


I am serious.

She can get any stain out.

No matter how long it has been in there.

Get me the launderer!!


In fact?

I bet she could have helped Monica out with that little stain

Saved the blue dress

And eliminated that whole scandal.




The only thing she is better at than laundering…

Is perhaps…


I mean the woman is a machine.

Hospital corners on everything.


And the fact that she is so good at folding makes up for any of those “mom-ism’s”

She doles out periodically

Such as?

When I lost weight initially

She said


Honey I think that is just bout enough exercise on your boobs”


Can you see me Mom?


“well Mom that was not exactly the target area for reduction”

Weight comes off where it does.

In a kind world, it would leave my butt and thighs…

But alas… I still have my ass.


So we have come to the folding portion of our visit

And Mama has come to my panties.

Not the briefs…

Or even hipsters…


The thong.

The look on her face?




A furrowed brow?



“Kelly? what in the hell is this?

“Underwear Mom”


“Well I never!”

Hand to heart for impact and breathing support at the discovery of my raunchy panties.

(lest we not forget Mama is Southern)


“Honey why? Why? Would you wear these?

“So I won’t have panty lines Mom”


Going deep South

“I swanee…I never seen anything like this?”

What is a swanee people?


“Does your Daddy know you wear these things?”

“MOM!  God!”


“well how in the sam hell am I going to fold these?”

“MOOOMMM!. You don’t fold them… They just go in the drawer”

“KELLY LYNN… I have got to fold these clothes…I reckon I’ll just do the best I can”


And this part was worth it all…

Here she goes…

the launder’er.

Left string over right…

Then right over left

Pull tight…

Mama's Sheepshank


Uh oh

You’ve made yourself a sheepshank.




Now once more

right string over left

And reverse…

Oh Look!

Mama earned her camping badge.



I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying this.


I need the paramedics to come give me oxygen….

I can’t breathe!


And then Mama can take no more…

“I give up… I declare I do”

“I don’t know Kelly… I think these could cut off your circulation or sump’en”



I do love when Mama comes to visit.


Posted by on January 20, 2011 in Misbehaving, Parenting, Uncategorized


Tags: , ,

3 responses to “Mama’s Sheepshank

  1. Lori stefanac (Lola)

    January 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    HYSTERICAL! LOVE MAMA! This reminds me of when my 7 year old was running around the house in only his little tighty whiteys. He yells out, “LOOK! GUESS WHO I AM?” as he pulls his undies straight up his tush. “I’M MOM!!”

    • kellyozley

      January 21, 2011 at 8:51 pm

      OMG! This is so funny. I am sure I am on my way to more stories of my own. I have a vision of my head on this— getting some good chuckles over it.

  2. The Mama

    January 21, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Hi there! Delurking!

    This story reminds me of the time my very southern aunt washed my clothes and hung my thongs out on the line to dry!



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