Say Cheese

30 Jan

Today as I drove through Denver

I got my picture taken by a total stranger…

A man…

Mid to late 30’s

Dark, unmarked car.

Striking fear initially

Then anger

When I realized

What it was?


Photo radar


Sitting in my anger…

A lightbulb.


My anger turned to a revelation of sorts.

Because you see…

I have found my dream job.

Because how hard can this be to do?

To sit in a car and let a machine take pictures of unsuspecting drivers.

And how does the job description read for this?


Breathing individual

Must be able to drive

But only for short distances and for even shorter periods of time

Verbal communication entirely unnecessary

You need not take notes

There is no deliverable

No requirement to plan the rollout of a new product

Or meet any sort of quota


You must drive to your location

Set up camera

Meaning turn it on

Then wait.

And THEN, you may…


Write your Christmas thank you notes

Plan your weekend camping trip

Mull over the recent rash of mass bird deaths

Set up your eHarmony profile



You must drive home.

And tell your mom about your stressful day.


Swear to God …

Have you not seen these people?

They are sleeping

Not even trying to hide that fact

Feet in the air

Head back

Mouth open

Dark glasses to block the morning glare.

Have they no shame?

A curtain perhaps…

Something to hide the true nature of this complicated job.


They can get ya

Don’t be a pickin’ your nose.

It will be permanently etched on a photo

You will receive in the mail

And wonder

What the Hell?


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Posted by on January 30, 2011 in Misbehaving, Uncategorized


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