Ellie Mae

01 Feb

I was on a conference call recently with several of my work colleagues – they were all from Atlanta.

And even though I have been in Denver over 8 years, I went straight back…

got my twang on.


To the degree that…

When I hung up I got an immediate call from Lisa, my colleague, and she said:

OMG We are like twins... except for the blonde hair and I ain't got no boobies.

“what the hell was that?  You were like Ellie Mae Clampett”


“I was?”


“um yea… like how are yer’ critters down at the cement pond?”


Smart ass girl.


“What was all that? It was like… like a foreign language”


Smart ass city slicker girl.


So for her and for you I will provide a bit of translation.



“Diddy” is the man who paid for 4-6 years of drinking and well coordinated sorority wear.

that’d be your education.

And he is also your father.

Fiddy-fi – 55 or the legal speed limit on most major highways in Alabama.

And my own diddy’s signature phrase.


Swimming pooh – That is not a typo.

you do not need a L for your pool in the south.

It is like a pooh bear.


Reckon – means to cipher, to ponder, to think.

I personally don’t do a lot of reckoning; it hurts my head.


Fixin is kind of the same as about to.   I am about to go to the store or  I am fixin’ to go to the store.


Sit a spell – “a spell” has never been defined to me.  I think it is just how ever long you care to sit or until you need some more sweet tea.


Shooga (sugar) – this is what your mama puts 6 cups of in her ambrosia.

Ambrosia – some god awful desert you will be forced to eat at each and every major holiday.

And shooga is a kiss.

Used in a sentence.

“Come here to ye ol granddaddy and give me some shooga.”


Butta – is what you put on most anything and everything.

Slather that on my friend and don’t look back.


Yonder – There is no limit on yonder.  It may be a foot in front of you or 20 miles down the road.


Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit –

basically is the same as “Well I Never” or “I Swainee”  (my mom’s favorite)

you are just surprised as hell.


Full as a tick – your tummy is happy happy happy.


Beat with an ugly stick – I am sorry but…

you are just not pretty.


Rode hard and put up wet –

it is a sad truth but you have probably been ugly for a while now…

and could likely use a good moisturizer.


Ain’t got a pot to piss in – you should get a job.


Sittin’ round here like a bump on a log – you are lazy and you need to get a job too.


Well tie me to a pig and roll me in the mud – I got nothing on this one…

it just sounds like a redneck to me.


Plumb tuckered out – You?  Is tired.


Too big for your britches – you need an attitude adjustment.


That is a gracious plenty – damn girl, ease up on the mashed potatoes.


Purty— you are pleasing to the eye.

And used in a sentence: You are as purty as a speckled pup.

you are cute like a dog.


You can thank me later for this little education.

You will now be better equipped to work with Southern clients, in-laws, church-goers and much more.

Bye ya’ll!


Posted by on February 1, 2011 in Southern


Tags: , ,

5 responses to “Ellie Mae

  1. Lori stefanac (Lola)

    February 2, 2011 at 5:49 am

    LOVED this post. Bless yer heart, Dahrlin! Iz feelin more like a Southun Belle already! Mint Julep, anyone? (I know…I’m such a Northerner. But I’m trying y’all, I’m really trying!)

    • kellyozley

      February 2, 2011 at 9:34 am

      I think you did a right fine job almost being southern here honey. You keep that up and a mint julep sounds purty alright to me.

  2. The Mama

    February 2, 2011 at 6:48 am

    OMG… This is hilarious!

    My mama says, “You ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of!”

    • kellyozley

      February 2, 2011 at 9:33 am

      haha I haven’t heard that last one — I may have to use it in my next meeting.

  3. Shannon

    February 2, 2011 at 8:54 am

    You forgot “Bless your heart.” That’s another one that is overly used!! 🙂


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