Word Up To Your Mama

14 Feb

I fully expect…

One day when I ask my daughter if she is wearing her listening ears..

She will just say Hell No.

Because it is just such a ludicrous question.

As if there were a separate set around …

Just for listening to me.


And the truth is.

She is so listening.

She is just not minding.


So she heard me today when:

I told her to stop putting stickers on the cat…

And when I asked her to stop jumping across the couch…

In MY 2 inch chocolate boots.



when I told her to stop running down the hall as she might get hurt…

And when she fell…

head first in to the doll stroller flipping it over and ending up with her feet straight up in the air.

I laughed.




Such that I strayed my her sister’s curls…

With water once in my mouth.


It WAS funny!No!  It was HYSTERICAL!

To see my insubordinate prima donna inverted.


But then she cried and said:

“Mommy dat not nice…

It not funny”


The hell it isn’t.

Finishing with her masterful pivot turn …

And forceful stomping out of the room…

Reminiscent of Jack on Will and Grace.



Am sitting in a chair during this final performance…

Just trying to compose myself…

As I am doing now as I write this.

Trying my best to contain the snort…

Which keeps escaping even louder and more frequent.

And the tears are now streaming down my face.

I fear the laughter my cut off my breathing soon.

I have to lay my head on the table for laughter support.

Now I am slapping the table.

Because it was just that funny.

And Landon hears all this

This? She hears…nothing else I have told her you see.

And screams

“Mommy you da meanest Mommy ever”

“I  I  I  I  know honey….”


“I  I   I…. know”









It was like this.


After all this… you would think…

She would “listen” to me at bedtime,

With the humiliation of her involuntary headstand and all.


So last night after about 8 rounds of fighting bedtime,

I basically hold her down…

Issue my same commands of staying in bed.

Or else you lose

Belle & The Beast

And Rapunzel’s castle
(really anything Disney)


I was so angry I was really spitting my words out…

Spraying my freshly bathed daughter…

Which made her request a “big towel because you so spitty.”


So angry for all this fuss.


Knowing the tasks ahead of me…


She ever goes to bed.


So I finish.

And look at her…

So very sternly.

And she?

Laughs at me


But she did.


I cannot believe this disobedience.

As I am leaving and explaining all of her losses,

Because she has gotten up so many times…

And laughed at my face…

She says:

“Mommy! Mommy… you need listen a me…

When the pee comes down…

I just has to get up and go”


Damn this toddler logic!


Posted by on February 14, 2011 in Bedtime


Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Word Up To Your Mama

  1. Shannon

    February 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Oh lord girl. I have been you in this situation so many times. It’s hard to be sympathetic when I tell the boys to not do something because they might get hurt and then they do get hurt. In particular when said activity is annoying the hell out of me. And they are mad when I don’t run over to soothe them, comfort them, kiss their boo boos…. well, too bad! I do however try not to laugh hysterically!!
    Hugs to you mama!!

    • kellyozley

      February 14, 2011 at 11:11 am

      She was not hurt or I would have had more self control I think. I was bad I know…but Shan… it was a PERFECT inversion… I mean I strive for such…


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