For Mother’s Day, my 4 year old made me “dinner”
“I made you some’ting to eat”
here you go”
Is served on a Barbie plate
Somewhere between the size of a quarter and half dollar
My wine has already kicked in…
It is invisible?
“Oh Wow honey!”
“Yea I know Mommy…
It be so ‘licous”
“It is tonica”
“Tonica and matas”
“Oh did you use tomatoes?”
“Mommmmmmmy…..NO…. not panties…pantenias”
What in the hell is a pantenia?
“And it is topped wit trees and cream?”
“MOOOOMMMM! Not trees. I said TREATS.”
She is 4 and rolling her eyes as if this is about to kill her.
How did I become so stupid is such a short period of time.
“and… on top of da treats is sprinkles”
Which sprinkles are required for everyDAMNthing…
- Ice cream
- Her hand
In da middle is a sa’prise…
I not gonna tells you what it is”
“It a spaceship”
Under the whip creamzzzzzzzzzzz”
With whipped cream???
Where does she get this stuff?!
Maybe this is why I can never get her ass in the bed at night.
Because that imagination has been working all day on reasons NOT to comply.
“Mommy I need watermelon ginerale with chocolate sprinkles soda” (is there even such a thing?)
“Mommy….you are definately definately bootiful”
nice touch… will give her that.
“Mommy my puppy needs a haircut”
Do not have a dog.
“Mommy I has to go to the bathroom because my fairy Godmutter told me to.”
“Mommy… Mommy…I be so worried about you. I should watch dat movie with you so you don’t be so scared.”
You can see I do not stand a chance here.