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Don’t Leave Me Oprah!

23 Jun

I miss Oprah.

I do.

And there is a hole in my day.

There is.

Right where she was.

It is not like I was sitting here at 4 every day watching her talk on top of her guests…

But…

I taped it every day.

(GOD I AM OLD)

DVR’d it really.

 

Now?

She is gone.

Like my figure.

 

So I tape Dr. Oz

In her place.

He is darling…he is.

 

And I am learning so much.

Like all the supplements you are supposed to take after 40.

The “super” foods to eat.

Honestly if I take all the supplements he recommends, my tummy will have no room FOR the “super” foods.

 

But what really is so odd to me?

Is the way all those people in the audience…

They get so excited.

Jump up and down…

Grab their sister…

High Five their best friend…

To run up on stage…

And hold a dead person’s gall bladder.

What up?

 

Today Dr. Oz chose his “assistant” was this lady Elizabeth…

From Alabama.

 

This lady?

Was so twitterpated.

I mean I get it.

Us Alabama girls like a perty man.

But she could hardly talk.

Running up all matchy matchy…

“Oh”

(tee hee tee hee)

“Dr.Oz”

(tee hee tee hee)

“you…you…you…jis look sa nice in yur scrubs”

 

And his discussion today?

Was about your internal organs… how they can just fall out of your girl parts.

Say What?!

 

He says “if you rectum falls out”

OH MY GOD!

I mean I pretty much thought all that stuff was sort of good and secure up in there.

 

Then he keeps going:

“Vagina”

“Uterus”

”Vagina”

“Vagina”

“Vagina”

He is saying vagina so many times, it is like its Pepsi.

 

And then he says…

SWEAR

That if your uterus pops our your Va Jay Jay in the shower…

You can just pop that sucker back in.

Can you imagine?

 

“Honey…hold up… my damn uterus fell out again. I got to git it back in before we go to Mama’s”

 

If Oprah’s Va Jay Jay offends you DO NOT click on this.

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1 Comment

Posted by on June 23, 2011 in Oprah

 

Tags: , , ,

One response to “Don’t Leave Me Oprah!

  1. Shannon

    July 12, 2011 at 11:23 am

    OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! I am on a 2 1/2 hour team cadence call, cleaning out emails and came across this. I am laughing so hard I am crying. Fortunately, I am also on mute. I can not watch Dr. Oz. He is no Oprah replacement for me. I’ve switched to the Nate Burkus show. I must say, I was annoyed the other day because he had Dr. Oz on it. Clearly I missed the Va Jay Jay falling out episode… who knew this could happen? Thanks for sharing this so important update.

     

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