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Dar she blows…

29 Jun

If you had told me 5 years ago that I would spend 83 minutes on a Sunday blowing up a dolphin pool,

 I would have called you crazy.

I mean I am successful salesperson…

And?

I am a Mom.

So that day?

It was I who is crazy.

 

Because our old pool broke…

So we must have a new one.

 

The one I bought…has a dolphin slide.

I did not read the box…

Had I?

I would have spent that afternoon spraying the children with the hose…

And not blowing a dolphin I just met.

 

The first thing I see out of the box is this large attachment device.

Not the normal raft type inflation thingy (the thing you just blow your own hot air in to)

 

Instructions:

Get a pump of some kind

Oh shit!

 

Well…

We have four pumps…

One battery operated camping one…

Which?

Will NEVER be used for camping as long as I am conscious.

One for my ab ball.

One standard bike pump.

One travel bike pump.

NONE?

Of them worked.

I tried them all…

One by one.

NOTHING… NADA…ZILCH…NEGATORY MON AMI

 

15 minutes in I find three standard blow up thingys.

And when there are three blow up thingys on one pool?

That is trouble.

 

I had to stop 11 times to get this thing blown up…

And folks?

I am in decent shape.

Cardiovascularly that is.

Won’t be winning Miss a Hawaiian  Tropic…

but I am a frequent flyer at the gym.

 

OMG

 

 

80 inches of hell.

And all the while I am “blowing” the dolphin pool…

Or Devil’s Spawn as I will be now referring to it.

My daughter is trying to help.

 

Help?

Has a new definition when you have children.

It means…

a 3-5 year old…

determined to make even the simplest task take 4 times as long…

ALWAYS…

resulting in a mess…

typically ending in parental injury…

usually a cast, stitches, or eye patch.

 

 

Her help?

is continuing to try the 4 pumps I have previously certified as USELESS!

And by spinning the pool around w/ ME attached…

throwing off my equilibrium…

and sending me careening in to the dirt.

 

FUN

FUN

FUN

 

Then screaming at the top of her lungs:

“Mom  you are such a great blower.”

 

“You are da best blowing Mom in da world”

“I am going to tell everyone what a good blower you are”

 

My dad will be so proud.

 

As he was when he found out I could tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.

It was a college thing.

 

To which he replied.

“my dear… you should have no problem finding a date”

 

 

 

The finished devil's spawn

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1 Comment

Posted by on June 29, 2011 in Misbehaving, Swimming

 

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One response to “Dar she blows…

  1. Shannon

    June 29, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Thanks for the awesome chuckle. I sure hope the kids love it. Now I know of more of your lovely talents to add to the list… awesome sales chick, step aerobics guru, dolphin blower and cherry stem tongue tier. Seriously? Why have you not been snatched up? You must lower your standards.

     

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