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The Have’s and The Have Not’s

07 Jul

A trip to the pool…

On a holiday weekend…

A LONG holiday weekend.

 

The joy…

Just JOY!

Of a trip to the pool with children.

 

First you must wrangle two toddlers in to bathing suits.

And isn’t that fun?

So excited they cannot control themselves.

Nor stand still.

 “Let’s go Mommy….let’s go”

Twist…pull…shove…trying to get them in to the suits.

Like trying to put pantyhose on an eel…

Times 2.

 

Then the sunscreen.

And we use the spray because it is easier…

 

Kind of…

At least there is a broad spray…

So you should at least get 75, maybe 80% of the body.

 

More squeals….

 Then a scream…

Because number 1 is down…

Fallen in the residual sunscreen spray.

HUG HUG HUG

KISS KISS KISS

 

Scoot scoot in to the car…

Squeals of anticipatory glee the entire ride.

 

We must go to the kid pool…

Clearly delineated…

By the NO CHILDREN ALLOWED sign…

On the neighboring pool.

 

And oh so evident.

The Have’s

And the Have Not’s

We?

I?

Am the Have Not.

 

The Have’s?

Sit beside a serene pool.

Barely a ripple in the crystal waters.

Ours?

Utter pandemonium

Noodles abound

Screaming

Kicking

Splashing

 

They have a Starbucks.

I?

Have tap water.

 

They have a fancy Danish.

I?

Have a mangled breakfast bar.

 

They have a newspaper.

Booo hooooo

I?

Have nothing I can call my own.

Perhaps I will read the breakfast bar wrapper.

 

Almost to our spot.

I can hardly walk.

 

I have two toddlers…

One on the left, one on the right.

And…

The pool paraphernalia.

Which is:

Swim diapers

Water shoes

Juice and water

Three hats…

no two…

where IS Tennyson’s hat?

she JUST had it.

Four towels, because we will lose one.

Non-meltable snacks –

3 sets of identical snacks…

because water makes a kid irritable…

and indecisive.

Water toys

Money…

just in case I forgot something

(which seems damn near impossible given my building backache)

 

Latest Oprah club book.

OMG that is funny…

As IF I am going to be able to read.

 

Here we go.

 

SWIM SWIM  SWIM

SPLASH   SPLASH   SPLASH

BUZZZZZ              BIZZZZZ                  BIZZZZZZ        BUZZZZ

 

“What?

Is that?”

 

I ask… trying to stabilize my shaken children.

 

Four lifeguards are blowing whistles.

At the same time.

??

Is there an emergency?

 

I am informed by an adjacent Mommy that:

“Oh they are checking the PH level of the pool”

Translated…

looking for pee pee.

“They do that every hour…

Blow the whistle and everyone has to evacuate for 15 minutes”

EVACUATE??

 

Are YOU KIDDING ME?

 

We have been here 11 minutes.

ELEVEN

Only eleven.

 And four 17 year olds are blowing on military whistles

Telling us to get out…

So they can see if there is pee pee in the pool.

NEWSFLASH

 

There IS pee pee in these waters friend.

There totally is.

 

And now?

I have to explain to a 2 ½ and 4 ½ year old about the pee pee exploration….

That will occur every hour on the hour.

WAAA  WAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAA   WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Is the bar open?

3 more of these? and I won't care that 28 kids have been pee'ing in here all afternoon.

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Posted by on July 7, 2011 in Parenthood, Parenting, Swimming

 

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