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The Mounty

17 Jul
Recently I went to a spa and had a massage. 
It was a different kind of massage…
a Chinese foot massage.
 
 If you don’t know what that is, honey stay tuned.
 
 Stephen walks in and he is yummy.  Fine looking young man.
 

FINE!!

 

And I lie down.  He proceeds to tell me that he will also be doing a little Thai massage as well. ”

 

“ummmm ok”
 
I don’t know what this means but am all for something extra in a massage.
 

     The Mounty?
 
“okay Kelly…I will need to mount you”  

SAY WHAT!!!

And with that we are one.

United on the massage table.
Me flat on my back…
He?
 with his foot in my groin.   
 
Ouch!!!!!
 
OMG.And then?

 
Pushing
Proding
Probing
 
All the while I am mounted. 
 
I do not recall even getting his last name.
 
And honestly…
typically when I am in this sort of proximity of a person…
there has been an expensive meal…
or at least a nice cocktail.
 
Stephen is straddling me. OMG.  OMG.  OMG. 

Is this legal?  Isn’t he violating some massage therapist oath or something?

“And I am going to push on your femerol artery. 

 Don’t worry…
 but it completey cut off the blood flow to your legs.”
 
WHAT???
 
What does cutting off my circulation have to do with my RELAXING foot massage?
His hands are on either side of my…
you know…
va jay jay!
He applies all his bodily force.
 
And with that I cannot speak…
or move. 
And?
I cannot feel my legs. Then WOOSH!!!

He releases and there is a rush to my legs.  So much I thought I has just lost control of my bladder. 

 
I have begun to perspire.
 
Then we move on to “massaging” my feet…
which I liken to getting caught in a bear trap.
 
It is as if he is a human vice grip…
And pissed at me!
 
Rubbing what seems to be his brass knuckles across the bottom of my feet.
 
over
and
over
and
over
 
Next… the pinching.
He takes that back of my ankle and pinches.
pinch
pinch
pinch
I feel a tear forming.  

And then?

 
I kicked him…
quite by accident.  I mean this is reflexology right?  He should understand a little involuntary movement right?
 
He was not amused. But seriously his nose only bleed a little tiny bit. 

Stephen is about done… thank God.

He is finishing up telling me where each precise point on my foot is linked to an organ or system…sleep and back pain, then digestion. 
Digging
Digging
Digging
He is. 
 

He asks me of any final areas that need work…

legs?

abdomen?

I am afraid to mention any part of my body really.

You know when you travel…
things don’t always flow correctly right?
the natural elimination process that is to say. 
 
So how can I tell this little hottie?
 

Mama needs to poop.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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2 Comments

Posted by on July 17, 2011 in massage

 

Tags: , , ,

2 responses to “The Mounty

  1. Kelly Ozley

    July 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    New Post

     
  2. Julie Glandt

    July 21, 2011 at 6:37 am

    This was just the funniest!

     

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