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Da Pee Pee

27 Sep

I often wonder…

How my life became so…

Glamorous

 

It is 8:16 p.m.

The bewitching hour.

One down…

One to go.

Child that is.

 

We are stalling.

We have had to pee twice

We needed water.

Then a lovey.

Then wanted to sit by me.

Because?

“I be so worried about you Mommy”

 

Time number 3…

To pee.

 

Sneaking out to potty

She does not see me perched outside her door.

 

“Landon?”

 

“ACCKK!”

“Mommy you be so scaring me”

 

“If you were in bed…

As you are supposed to be…

You would not be scared”

 

“Mommy I just has to pee?”

 

“Hurry up”

 

I am waiting…

Because I have seen her work before.

2 minutes

3 minutes

Spin the toilet paper off the roll

Then back on

Tap the wall

Lie across the toilet so she can make wall shadows with her feet.

 

“Landon!”

 

“I hurrying Mommy”

 

Shuffle

Shuffle

Drag

Shuffle

 

This child is like a rocket at the smell of chocolate

But getting her to bed is like walking uphill…

through quicksand.

 

“Honey…GO TO BED!”

 

“Mommy I had to go pee pee”

 

“Landon you did not…

It is physically impossible to have to pee…

3 times in 5 ½ minutes

 

“Mommy!”

“Mommy?”

 

“I DID pee pee…

There were drops

On my legs

Of da pee pee…

I know you saw dem…

I did SO pee”

 

Pivot

Turn

“Hmmph”

From a four year old

Time to refill my wine

And rethink my strategy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on September 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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