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The Back End

16 Oct

I feel my life …

Or my posts…

At a minimum…

Could well be called…

Tales from the back end.

 

Because…

As a family…

We talk about pooping

a lot.

 

I never in my life thought I would discuss so much…

the natural processes

which occur in the bathroom.

Da poop and da pee pee

 

What is this fascination?

I don’t have boys.

I thought it was a boy thing.

 

It starts innocently enough.

 

“Mommy….

I blow bubbles with my butt”

 

Why?

 

“Landon…

We are eating”

 

“but Mommy…

You hear it?

I blowing more bubbles…

It tickles.

You wanna smell it?”

 

“I do not.”

 

And the day progresses.

 

“Moooommmm

Tenny pooped her pants.

Yuck…

Mommmmy fix it”

 

Then Tenny.

“I poopee!”

Happy, smiling…

As if she has just gotten a scholarship to Harvard.

 

But she has not…

She is merely proud that she has taken a crap.

Honestly…

There are days when I feel the same way.

 

Perhaps it is me.

Maybe I attract these people.

 

I had a friend once…

A girl.

She liked to pee in the shower.

And talk about it.

Laughing…

“you know, I really like to pee in the shower”.

Have another one Pam.

 

“I do…

I feel empowered”

 

By peeing?

 

“I just stand there…

And I say to myself…

I am standing…

And peeing…

In the shower.”

 HAHAHAHAHA

 

“Don’t you do that Kelly?’

And my boyfriend is sitting right there…

Like I would EVER admit to suck tacky behavior.

 

So this particular one is a real stinker.

 

And Landon has to see…

“I wants a see it Mommy.”

“Ohhh dat nasty…

Her butt is ugly Mommy.”

 Am I in the boys’ locker room in elementary school?

 

Tenny…

Commenting while I work the Mommy magic.

“Tenny poopy…

I poopeeeeeeee!”

 

Like I don’t know that!

She has just snapped this little ball to me…

And I am the quarterback.

 

Wriggling…

Wrenching her neck…

“Mommy…

I wants a see it”

 

“Tenny be still…

It’s an eight wiper”

 

“bu… Mommy… I wan a see it”

 

“Tenny Good Lord…

You aren’t giving birth…

What is it that you want to see?”

 

“My POOOPEEE!”

 

And so goes another glamorous snippet of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on October 16, 2011 in Poop, Potty, Princess

 

Tags: , , , ,

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