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Mutiny on The Mommy

28 Oct

It snowed Tues.

Quite a bit for Oct…

Like 6 inches.

First snow of the season.

That means…

Seemingly possessed children.

Mine.

 

6:03 a.m. Tennyson has awakened.

Alert the media.

She wants sausage.

We comply.

 

As she works through her morning…

Poop

Eat

Pee

Eat

Poop

She notices the snow through the window.

“It snowing

“It snowing”

“Mommy look da snow!!”

 

Her excitement awakens her sister.

Landon

“it’s snowing”

“it’s snowing”

“IT IS SNOWING!!”

This?

I am aware of.

 

These children do not move quickly in the morning…

Except!

When there is snow.

 

They have their winter coats on.

We are not to leave for 25 minutes.

Then gloves.

Tenny has one glove are on her foot…

And one on her baby’s hand.

“We WANT A BUILD A SNOWMAN”

“Girls…

just hold on…

we need to get out the door and to school.”

 

Back in the bathroom…

Putting mascara on my left eye.

“MOM!”

“DAMNIT”

That was me.

Maybelline Great Lash

Streak on my cheek.

Brownish Black

Wiping it as I walk out to investigate.

 

“What is it?!”

“well…

Mommy…

We are just gonna…

Build a little bitty snowman…

Just real quick.

Otay?”

 

“No…

not otay Landon….

We have to go to school!”

“Well…

Mom… it be aw’right…

Tenny is already outside”

 

WHAT!

&%$#*@*&

 

Sprinting…

In my tank top and flannel pants.

SEXY!

 

Jump over the legos

Zig past the baby stroller

Zag around the pillow pet

Land on periwinkle crayon.

 

On our enclosed porch.

No Tennyson.

WHAT THE HELL?

 

But what I see are chairs…

Stacked.

by the door.

 My children?

(read as little turds)

Have climbed the stacked stairs

To take the chain off the door.

WTF

 

And out the window…

I see sandy curls.

Tennyson’s curls.

Not yet 3.

23 degrees and snowing.

 

“LANDON!”

“Mommy…

Now Mommy.”

“Tennyson wanted to go outside”

“So I hepped her open da door”

 

“well…

I?

am going to help you open it again little missy

“No Mommy…

She’s all wet and yucky…

I not lettin’ her in…

She be making a big a mess on da floor”

 

“So you would rather her freeze to death?”

“welllllll…”

As she tried to hide a faint smile.

 

I open the door

To find my pint size popsicle…

Clapping her hands…

Happy with snow

No shoes.

No coat.

No hat.

23 degrees reminding you.

Trying to eat the first snow…

Like Lucy…

Cept not the yellow snow.

Cuz well… you know.

 

And there we are…

7:43 a.m.

One frozen toddler.

One denying any wrong doing.

“I only hepping her see da snow”

No guilt WHATSOEVER.

 

And I?

Certain…

ONCE AGAIN…

We will be late to school.

 

And the teacher will look down her glasses

clearly purchased for guilt infliction

And say…

For the 2nd time this week.

“Is there a problem at home?”

 

“Yes… you know there is.

There was a mutiny on the Mommy.”

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1 Comment

Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Angels, Misbehaving, Snow

 

Tags: , , , ,

One response to “Mutiny on The Mommy

  1. jillsownpath

    October 31, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    I think I peed my pants 🙂

     

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