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Mama Is On Her Way

14 Nov

Mama is coming…

To visit

For the holidays…

I may need to move some things.

Really just a painting.

Mama doesn’t like it

“it is not appropriate”

You see.

 

This is not new.

Mama came to visit a few years ago.

Pre-children.

She walked in…

Barely over the landing…

“KELLY LYNN!”

 

“What?”

 

“Why?”

“why…

Why…do you have a vagina over your fireplace?”

 

“WHAT??”

 What the What???

Mom…

what are you….

WHAT?”

 

“Right there…

I reckon that is a vagina…

I know…

That is a VAGINA.”

 

“Mom…

Geez!!

That is a Georgia O’Keefe

 

“oh my God… you named it”

 

“Mother…

that is the name of the artist…

Georgia O’Keefe”

 

“well…

it is a vagina

IT IS!”

 

Now Georgia did like to paint the flower…

A.K.A….

Va-jay-jay!

Mama is not the first to notice the similarity.

 

So I have a new one now…

A Talantbek Chekirov…

Don’t worry I can’t pronounce it either.

 I really like him.

I think his work is beautiful

Sensual

Tasteful

 

Well…

You know Mama.

She does not.

 

“Kelly…

Why is that man humping her…

Right here in your living room?”

 

Oh God.

 

“Mom…

he is hugging her…

comforting her.”

 

“Right there…

It is right there…

In your living room”

 

“Kelly…

That is NOT appropriate…

I swainee it is not…

Your girls…

What will they think?”

 

“Mom…

The girls still think dogs humping…

Are playing leapfrog…

I think we are okay”

 

So…

maybe…

yes maybe…

I will just leave it up…

And go to the liquor store.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Parenthood, Parenting

 

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