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Caught in The Act

05 Dec

There is an incident.

I hear the screams.

The screech.

Thump

Bump

?

 

I scurry to find Tennyson

Trapped

She is trapped in the hamper

My clothes hamper

She has put it over her head

It is down to her ankles

And she can’t get out.

 

I am baffled as to how this can happen…

And should not be.

 

But this does not compare…

To THE Incident at school.

 

Wednesday…

A snow day…

So…

I am a bit late.

 

I arrive…

The teacher is walking towards me…

Not a good sign.

I am used to it with Tenny.

Normally she hit someone.

Or they bit her…

Her karma I guess.

 

This time is it Landon.

 

“um…

There was an

Incident.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“well….

Yes…

Landon…

and a boy….

they…

um…

they were kissing…

Passionately.”

 

Beg pardon?

 

“what do you mean?

Passionately?”

 

Reminding myself…

And the congregation…

She is not yet 5.

 

“well…

They were kissing…

On the lips…

With their eyes closed.

For a long time.

30 seconds…

Maybe even 45.”

 

30 seconds of kissing?

This is the cause of the stern discussion.

Thank God!

 I had visions of behind the bleachers activity…

And felt a roll of nausea coming on.

 

“Oh

well…

I will address this at home.

Rest assured.”

 

I should have seen this coming you know.

I did catch her kissing our pilgrim…

Xavier.

He was 40% off at the Hobby Lobby.

He is 27 inches tall…

And our stand-in for all prince required functions:

Escort

Dance companion

Savior from the hungry dragon.

 

And I scurry Tennyson…

And her hoochie mama sister…

to the car.

 

Buckled and en route.

 

“Landon…

Is there anything you would like to share with me?”

 

“um…

You?

Um…

Look beautiful.”

 

Such a politician…

 

“something other than the obvious honey.”

I am a smart ass.

“Ms. Kristy said you were kissing a boy at school”

 

“Oh yea…

Dat…

We was kissing.

On da lips.

It was Finn.

He loves me.”

 

Where DOES she get this confidence?

 

“well that is not appropriate honey.

You do not kiss boys at school”

 

“Mommy!

All da princesses…

In all da movies…

Dey kiss dey husbands…

Dey do…

On da lips…

For a really long time”

 

Thank you Disney!

 

“Well?

You will not be doing that again.

Am I clear?

We do not live in a castle.

We live in a bungalow.

And our name is Not!

Kennedy.

That is only in the movies…

and you are a little girl.”

 

Pouting…

Fake crying…

A series of Sighs…

And gasping for air.

 

“Mommy!”

 

“how can I help you Landon?”

 

“I wants a get married”

 

“oh?”

 

“Yes…

I needs a get married

BECAUSE

I want to ride a horse…

And go to da ball…

And have a handsome Prince.”

 

And I chuckle to myself….

Thinking…

Don’t we all honey!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Parenting

 

Tags: , ,

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