Santa Sucks!

11 Dec

Every year I go to a Christmas show.

Crafts and local wares…

Enough dips and sauces…

For every chip in North America.


Landon was happy this time.

Because she got to go

Kind of a big girl thing.

Tenny is happy too…

She gets one on one attention..

from the babysitter.

A win win.


Santa is there.

Landon wants to see him.

Well she does…

And then she doesn’t.

She does.

Then not so much.

This goes on for about 30 minutes.


I coax her over with the promise of Santa’s special candy canes

And the fact that he can get her the XMAS gifts she wants.



We wait.

And wait.

In line.

She hops up in his lap..

A few Ho Ho Ho’s…


“you be a good little girl for your Mama”

Which I appreciate.


We finish with the caramelized pecans…

And teriyaki bison jerky.

So not shitting you.


And on the way home.

She talks about Santa…


What he is getting her for Christmas.


“What did you ask Santa for?”


“A CV DVD player”






“What honey?”


“A CV DVD player”


Now I am used to my daughter making up words.

You may recall in another blog she told me I was so “fundulating”

And last night…

When I was going to a Christmas party…

She said

“Wow… you look SO…


That is Chinese Mom…

for fancy.”

Oh… who knew?


But I must clarify…


I AM Santa…

around here.



Um honey…

What is a CV DVD player”



“It plays movies and music…

both of dem”



I’m not sure there is anything like that…

You know those things either do movies or music…

Not both”


“MOM!!! No..

I asked Santa..

He said he knew I was a special girl…

And he was going to bring it to me”

That bastard!


Everyone knows that there is no such thing.

There are DVD players.

And there are CD players.


Never the twain shall meet.


And now I?

have to go find one.

Or tape a CD player to a DVD player.


“Honey… I really don’t think there is such a thing

As a CV DVD player”



Didn’t you watch Rudolph?

And Santa Claus is Coming To Da Town?”

Didn’t you?”


I did…

but not all 17 times so far this season.


“Didn’t you seem all dem elves?”

Dey are going to make it for me…


Because I am so wondersful”

And modest… I might add.


“Well honey…”


And I just stop…

Because I know I cannot argue with Toddler Logic.

And 10 days later…

With a stroke of luck…

And perhaps the Grace of God…

I found one.

A CV DVD player.

At the Walmart


If you find yourself in need of a Barbie CV DVD player…

CV DVD Player


Check out walmart…


And that is one little headache…


you can put to bed

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Posted by on December 11, 2011 in Christmas


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