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Observations … from the tub

09 Feb

The girls are in bed.

FINALLY

And!

Heaven!!

 

One of my favorite things!

Is a hot bath…

SCALDING

Steam rising.

As I breathe in the calm…

And allow them stress of the day to dissolve.

 

…but then!

“MOM!”

“WHAT!”

“Oh…dere you are.

What are you doing?”

 

This seems relatively obvious to me…

As I am naked in the tub.

“planning my next vacation…

A L O N E”

I mumble.

 

“Mommy what is dat?

Is dat your butt?”

“Bottom honey… and yes it is.”

 

“No!

On it?

dose tings.”

Sweet Lord above!

“It is Cellulite”

 

“Well, how did it get back dere?”

why you has it back dere?”

 

As if this were a choice.

“Because life is not fair.”

 

“Mommy?

What’s dat?”

“What honey!”

 

“Dose”

“Oh…

Breasts…

Mommy’s breasts”

they tell you…

in Mommy school…

a.k.a.  the internet

to use the correct anatomical name

for body parts

not ta ta’s or bazoongas

 

“Oh…

Mines don’t look like dat”

“They will…

Give it time.

Gravity is not your friend.”

 

“Mommy!

You has an oui.”

“Where?”

 

“Right dere…

What happened?”

“Oh that.”

 

She has found my one varicose vein…

On my ankle.

I am pretty happy to only have one frankly.

“It is a broken vein”

 

“oh… can you fix it?

I think it is kind a gross.”

 sure…give me some super glue

 

Seriously child?

 

“Mommy?

Are you so relaxing?

In da tub.”

 

 

 

She?

Has pointed out every single one of my flaws.

Hell NO!

I am not relaxed.

In fact I think I might stroke out.

 

“Mommy…

I just gonna sits here and watch you…

I relax with you”

 

… and in the background I hear

“MOMMMYYY I poopy”

 Tennyson has awoken from her slumber…

To?

Crap

 

And I?

Put my head under water…

And pray for daylight.

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Posted by on February 9, 2012 in Poop, Potty, Uncategorized

 

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