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The Trip to Guilty

05 Apr

I wonder.

Is it just me?

Because I am single.

And there is only one parent…

One me.

Is that the reason I am…

Utterly worn out.

Each

And

Every

Day

 

 

A boss once told me …

The guilt never goes away.

He meant with his kids.

And I didn’t get it then.

I do…

Now.

 

I feel guilty as a single mom…

That I don’t have enough time to play with my girls,

Really enjoy them.

 

Guilty?

That I yelled at Landon…

When she didn’t clean up her barbies.

Or Tenny

When she poops in her big girl panties.

While standing IN THE BATHROOM.

 

Guilty…

That I can’t spend as much time teaching Landon to ride her bike.

Because there is only one of me

And I need to be…

Catching her sister,

as she runs to towards the busy street.

 

I feel bad

That?

Tennyson doesn’t get as much one on one time with me,

Like Landon did.

Because she came second.

 

I feel guilty that?

Last night’s vegetable…

Was a can of black beans.

a choice I later regretted

when Landon ate 3/4 of the can….

By herself…

If you catch my drift

Pun intended

 

 

I have guilt that I forgot Tennyson’s snow boots

And she couldn’t play outside with her friends

Last week.

 

I feel guilty that I have to work so much lately

And that it is taking time from my kids.

And?

I hate that I am so excited about this new job…

And am enjoying it.

 

 

I am guilty of reaching for the short books before bedtime.

Or skipping a sentence,

or two,

to expedite the process….

Okay sometimes even a paragraph.

And am grateful the girls cannot read yet.

 

 

 

I feel terrible that I cannot wait to go for sushi Friday night with my friend.

When I should really be here watching Bubble Guppies with the girls.

 

I wonder if it is just me?

Is it?

Is IT??

Who feels all this guilt?

Is it just part of parenting?

Is there an herb…

Or cocktail…

to make it all go away?

 

And then…

Tenny says…

“I misses you Mommy”

as I walk down the hall.

 

And Landon as she is headed to dreamland…

“Mommy?”

 

“Yes ma’am?”

I squeak out

Barely audible

Because I am just too tired

To utter more than a whisper.

 

“you are…

Da best mama”

 

 

So maybe?

I am not doing such a bad job.

After all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Comments

Posted by on April 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “The Trip to Guilty

  1. Becca

    April 5, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    I wear a coat of guilt everyday…about everything. It must come with the territory. But this post brought a tear to my eye. Lovely!

     
    • kellyozley

      April 6, 2012 at 8:17 am

      I am so glad to hear from other moms. Mommy Power!

       
  2. Janet Hale

    April 6, 2012 at 5:06 am

    It is not just you……. Hang in there. And Landon is right 🙂 – you are definitely the best mom in the world to your girls!

    HAPPY EASTER! I am looking forward to seeing pictures of the girls.

     
  3. Marilyn

    April 6, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Thank you for expressing what I feel daily…like when I got lost in the DIA parking garage and yelled at Ellery when she didn’t listen to me…and her lower lip started quivering. And then she forgives me so instantly…every parent I know, especially working parents, tell me the guilt never goes away…you just learn to live with it. You are a great mommy, friend, and writer!

     

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