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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Polka Dots

 

You know those days

When you really have your mommy mojoe..

You have got it goin’ on.

You just know you look gorgeous?

No?

Me neither

and my daughter confirmed that.

 

As I bathed the girls,

on Tuesday,

I get complete cooperation from Tennyson

washing her hair…

putting up the water toys.

helping apply the baby lotion—

the last will take 45 minutes to clean up

 

Digressing

 

Landon is out.

feet on the bathmat.

I am ready to apply her lotion

 

“Is dat lotion for Mommy’s?”

 

“Well yes

It is Ginger Peach

From the Blue Sage spa In Breckenridge.”

 

She cares?

not a bit.

 

She stares…

pulls back.

 

“Will?

Will?

Will it make my skin look like yours?”

 

SAY what!

 

“Well ..

WHAT

IS

wrong with my skin?”

 

“NO!”

And she slips out of my hands

Uttering this stinging statement.

 

“I don’t want to has dat lotion.

It make my skin look like yours…

Yours…

is all…

like polka dots”

 

Oh no…

she di’int

I am flabbergasted.

 

“Landon?

These polka dots are…

they ARE!

freckles.”

“And?

I will have you know…

yes you little missy…

that your Grandpa says?

a girl without freckles…

is like a night without stars.

OH YES HE DID SAY THAT!”

 

Hmpf!

Pivot

Turn

Where is my cocktail?

 

 

Gorgeous!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on June 15, 2012 in Fashion, Misbehaving, Painting, Parenthood

 

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Babies?

There is great clarity,

I think.

When you are little

And your mind?

Is not clouded,

with the bullshit we learn over the years.

 

Landon and Tennyson are at the table coloring.

We talk about babies…

Which we do a lot.

My girls love babies.

Fake ones

real ones

Love themselves some babies.

 

Landon began to tell Tenny about how they are “emdopted”

“Tenny yes…

we was in another lady’s tummy…

And then Mommy she came and got us…

Because she loves us so much”

 

Tennyson’s thoughtful response:

 “why?”

 

That is her response to

EVERTHING.

 

If you say “orange”…

She will say “why?”

 

Landon’s response….

very matter of fact

 “I guess she jis didn’t like babies”

 

And then she grabbed the yellow marker

And added Barbie’s highlights.

And Tennyson?

Did not say why.

 

And that is all there is…

There isn’t any more.

 

Look at my insightful cuties.

Tennyson ready for work… with her backgammon board.

Landon — Chairman of the Board…
out the door to the earnings meeting.

 
 

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I Beg Your Pardon?

I heard the words…

The words…

You?

NEVER

Want to hear.

“Your flight?

Has been delayed”

 

No….

NO….

OH HELL NO!

 

I WAS HERE ON TIME

With two

Small

Highly intolerant

Little girls.

FIND ANOTHER ONE.

Another plane!!

Beg your pardon?

 

We got here early…

To allow for McDonalds…

And potty time.

 

I was patted down by a very large woman.

Because?

My gold bangles

One twenty eighth of an inch wide…

Tripped the screening device.

They?

Are highly suspect

And dangerous?

Should I want to pierce

The captain’s larynx.

 

So we have to wait…

another hour and a half.

Girls running up and down the hall

Hide and seek under the chairs.

Throwing Gummi bears at the window.

Pushing each other in the wheelchair…

WAIT…

WHAT?

Stop that.

 

How much longer can this take?

 

We are being re-routed…

They tell me.

From Harrisburg PA

Through Charlotte

Back to Denver.

Even to me?

The geographically challenged…

This is not logical.

 

The girls are restless.

Make that little monsters.

Grinding potato chips in to the carpet…

Tossing the crumbs in the air…

Like confetti.

 

Talking.

Talking.

Talking.

 

We are talking to everyone.

The flight attendant is there.

A lady.

 

Landon says.

 “Mommy… she bees da pilot”

I am too wiped out to correct her.

 

“our plane is almost here right?”

I ask.

Plead.

 

Her smile fades.

I turn gray.

And she mouths the words …

“Two hours to me”

 

I collapse to the floor.

Spinning my wheels on potential games

And diversionary tactics.

 

Landon introduces her family.

 “I Landon d’ Nicole.

I am 5.

Dat is my baby sister.

Tennyson…

She in time out,

Again…

And dat?

Is my Mommy

Visitors?

Call her Kelly.”

 

So there I sit …

2 more hours.

Frustrated

Tired

Annoyed.

2 girls…

And me…

The visitor.

Wishing?

I WAS a visitor,

on a remote island,

where children shall not set foot.

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2012 in Parenthood, Parenting, Toddler, Travel

 

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A clarification is in order

I am tired.

All the time.

Moms?

You can all relate.

 

Well!

Friday was no different.

I stand in front of the mirror

Brushing my teeth.

Hardly recognizing my haggard reflection.

I don’t hear the approaching disturbance.

“MOM!”

 

I have just cleaned my tonsils with colgate.

No worries for plague build-up there.

 

Why?

When she can see me right there

Must she scream as if there has just been a moratorium on all children’s programming.

“Landon! Must you scream!”

 

“I knows what in sex is”

GASP!

Cool,

  cool…

 Kelly.

Play it cool.

 Me…

being cool.

“Oh… like you do?”

 

“yes… I wants a show you”

 

OMG

OMG

OMG

Did she turn on the TV when I wasn’t looking?

Was there something in a magazine?

Are Barbie and Ken doing something they shouldn’t be?

 

“yes… dere”

And she points up…

Where two moths

congregate around the dining room light.

“dey?

is in sex Mommy”

 

“Oh yes…

insects…

you are right”

 

Thank you God…

I was not ready for that conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on June 1, 2012 in Uncategorized