At Christmas time, more than others, I am stressed.
And a little more “screamy” than normal.
Any mom can relate.
Way too much sugar in the house.
Things I would never buy,
Create a more…
So my quiet time…
And trust me it is a stretch to categorize it that way,
Is a trip to the potty.
I shut the door
Assume the position,
In walks #1.
She has just finished the cookies we made as a family.
Am covered in flour and sugar,
You is da best mommy in da whole world”
Pants at my ankles.
“Oh and Mom?
You’re still working on that getting us a Dad thing right?”
I am trying to PEE here.
I tell her
I put an ad in the paper.”
Now what would that ad look like?
DAMNIT I AM DESPERATE HERE!
for a man,
to act as:
Christmas light hanger
Christmas light taker downer
investigator of scary noises
disciplinarian (when I am too tired)
carrier of all cat poop, trash, and recyclables
toter of the groceries
“pleasure” provider (there has to be just one thing for Mommy only right?)
And beside the ad, this photo…
a guide as to respondent caliber:
This is so happening!