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The Ad

20 Dec

At Christmas time, more than others, I am stressed.

And a little more “screamy” than normal.

Any mom can relate.

Way too much sugar in the house.

Things I would never buy,

Nor make.

Create a more…

STRESSED Mommy.
 

So my quiet time…

And trust me it is a stretch to categorize it that way,

Is a trip to the potty.

I shut the door

Assume the position,

and count…

1 second

2 seconds

3 seconds

4 seconds..

Door!

Opening abruptly,

In walks #1.

She has just finished the cookies we made as a family.

 

I?

Am covered in flour and sugar,

SEXY!

 

She says:

“Mom…

You is da best mommy in da whole world”

 

I?

Am flattered

Pants at my ankles.

 

And then:

“Oh and Mom?

You’re still working on that getting us a Dad thing right?”

 

Seriously?

I am trying to PEE here.

 

I tell her

“yeah honey…

I put an ad in the paper.”

 

Now what would that ad look like?

WANTED

No

NEEDED

No

DAMNIT I AM DESPERATE HERE!

for a man,

to act as:

general handyman

Christmas light hanger

Christmas light taker downer

investigator of scary noises

disciplinarian (when I am too tired)

carrier of all cat poop, trash, and recyclables

toter of the groceries

mouse catcher

Chef

“pleasure” provider  (there has to be just one thing for Mommy only right?)

!!HURRY!!

 

And beside the ad, this photo…

a guide as to respondent caliber:

Apply here

Honey I’m home!

 

Hmm..

Oh yeah…

This is so happening!

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1 Comment

Posted by on December 20, 2012 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Parenting, Poop, Potty

 

One response to “The Ad

  1. Carol

    December 20, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I love it Kelly! You’ve summed it up for all single moms.

     

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