Still Recovering…

06 Feb

How were your holidays?

Yes I know it has been a month.

But I still occasionally get asked that.

What do I say?

Am I honest?


As a single mother

I suffer from guilt



I suck…


That I am not doing it right

or enough…

just something.


I don’ think I am alone.



When I got the question…

and people say “It must have been great with two little ones”…

Am I honest?

If I were…

I would say…

I am glad it is over.

And I love me some Christmas.


It wore my ass out.


And this is why.

I hung the lights.

Inside and out

I fell off the ladder


I schlepped the Christmas tree in

I did ALL the Santa.

For all the kids

For all the family

For all 14 teachers, cooks and principals



And they? Were beautiful

I love to wrap

Big bows

Pretty paper

Fancy penmanship

I managed to get the girls to a XMAS eve party

And church

Only 2 minutes late

I put out all the XMAS stuff

And nearly severed my right thumb on industrial strength plastic

Containing Barbie and a wardrobe of tiny pink pumps

Which we promptly lost 3 minutes after opening

I set out HOMEMADE (read from scratch) Christmas cookies

And carrots for the reindeer.

And I took the fake bite to show Santa was really there.

I made not one but TWO casseroles for Christmas breakfast.



And when it was done.

With a whew!

And a deep breath

I surveyed the carnage –

Shredded paper

Lost instructions

Missing batteries


Only to see Landon crying

“honey… what IS it?”


“I wanted Santa to get me an IPAD”

What the hell.

Is she serious?

Both children

Sit as queens

Of their respective toy mountains.


I tried to explain

That if anyone was getting a new fancy ipad it would be me.

And that the real joy of the holidays is…

The special time with family.

Which she bought for…

not one minute


Disturbed and frankly pissed,

I turn,


and walk away.

Only to step on

The McDonald’s cash register

Made and sold only by Target

And now I know why …


I go spinning out of control

Holding Tennyson

And take the full force of the fall

And both of our weight

With my left elbow

On the hard wood floor.



And I?

Cried a little

It was blindingly painful

And I as I got my keys

Headed to the doc in the box

To make sure I didn’t have a fracture,

I vowed to myself

That next year

I would enjoy Christmas

Hire myself a housekeeper

Find myself a gay husband

and enjoy the holiday ho ho…

like Carol Brady did.

see... she is just starting to figure out Mike is gay here.

see… she is just starting to figure out Mike is gay here.














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Posted by on February 6, 2013 in Christmas, Misbehaving


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