Monthly Archives: May 2013


Ah privacy….

a thing of the past.

like chivalry…

and my youth.



walking in,

no barging…

in the bathroom.


Door shut for a purpose.

Me dripping,

scrambling for a towel,

to cover my body.


Bathroom Break They Will Find You Funny Pic



points to my chest…

and says.

“You has such big eyebrows”



I am not sure what is more troubling…

the fact that she is blind and thinks ANYTHING on my chest

is BIG?

or that she thinks THEY?




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Posted by on May 28, 2013 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Poop


Clooney and George

I know I shared our trip to “Hot Lanta” a few weeks ago.

It was stressful.

Travel with small kids is



And while we were away,

our cat died.

This is the second time a pet has died,

while I was on a business trip.


14 years with our big maine coon kitty Clyde.

He was a sweet boy,

and could knock you out with one of his farts.

I am serious!

And he frequently brought me dead mice,

never understanding I would rather have yellow roses.


He got sick just before we left

I had no idea how sick,

Just wasn’t eating much.

Cancelling my trip and business meetings was not really an option.

We left on Thursday

Clyde died on Sunday.


It was brutal







Brutal being away from him when he passed

Brutal losing a friend of 14 years

Brutal telling my girls


Landon (18 mos) and Clyde

Landon (18 mos) and Clyde (and yes he was HUGE)

They knew he was sick

But not how badly

None of us knew

So we sit in the hotel

And I proceed to explain this to a 4 and 6 year old.


I say…

“We need to talk about Clyde”

“NO!”… “No Mommy No!”

Landon knows what is coming.


There is a knock on the door.

It is housekeeping.

I am shocked,

Because I have called them 4 times…





Requirements for 3 ladies at leisure


We are all crying when she comes in.

And she says…


I am sorry…

I am late”

Seriously lady?

We are not crying,

Because of the towels.


Landon says…

“our kitty died…

And I miss him”

And she wails.



A guttural cry.


The lady teared up a bit too.

And gave us extra towels…

And tissues.

The latter came in quite handy.


We stayed in as a family,

Shared stories,

And cried.


Tennyson, being 4…

Just couldn’t wrap her arms around what happened.


“Mommy tells me again how Clydie went to heaven,

And Gramma Ruth was with him.”

Thinking I cannot tell this one more time,

It is too hard.

But I did.



it was a long trip in Atlanta.

VERY long.


6 weeks later we adopted a cat.





Buddy (they called him that at the shelter)IMG_20130505_110114_324


He is very laid back.

The only laid back thing

In our house

Probably on our block.


He is a gentle giant

Maine coons are like that.

Help me!

Help me!

We are adapting,

Meaning he is hiding under the bed

While the girls chase him

And our other cat Clooney hisses at him



We move forward,

With life.

Because that is the way these things go.


So now I have:





And every night I say

“George… Clooney… come to bed”

In hopes he will ultimately drop that wrestler hussy

And come to his senses.


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The Mother’s day

How was your Mother’s Day?

My sweet single friend sent me a nice note saying “I hope the girls are spoiling you.”



I got really cute gifts from school.

Both girls worked very hard on them.

And I will save them forever.


Was I spoiled?

Oh no.-Mothers-Day-Card-for-Kids

I was awakened by four eyes peering at me.


Sweet Jesus.

I think I pee’d in the bed.

“I’m bringing Mommy her tea”

“No I am”

“No me!”


And then the entire cup was knocked over…

by ax-dent…

So the giving of the tea became a non-issue.

And neither child was giving enough..

to actually help with the clean up.

“Mommy I git you a towa…

so you can clean it up.”


I ask the girls “what day is today?”

Initially I get sing song response:

“It’s your special mother’s day”


But then we began to fight






“Mom, she is looking at me.”

“Mom she not looking at me but she is tinking bout it”

“Mommy she hit me.”

“what day is it again girls?”


“Mommy… I don’t like da way she is breathing…it’s loud.”

“Tennyson… please stop breathing,

It is annoying Landon.”



“Mommy Tenny stuck her butt in my face”


“Mommy… I want some private time.”

Talk to the hand honey…

Because  if anyone gets private time, it will be me.


“Mommy Landon’s being mean to me.”

“She took my doll.”

“Dat not her doll…dat mine.”


So by 4:30 and my 10th reminder that it was my special day,

They can take no more.


“Girls… did you forget it is Mother’s day?”


Landon:  “UGH!  Mommy… dis is the longest day in da whole world.”

Tenny:  “Mommy how much longer we has to be nice to you?”


And both collapse in the stress of my annual holiday.

It is hard to be








So I was not spoiled…

But I was Mom

That was just our normal.

And I have come to love it.



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My mama is?


and not very familiar w/ technology.

For example, when she found out about linkedin,

she went out and created herself a profile,

as a domestic goddess with a degree in MRS,

and proclaimed herself to be excellent in this role.

mrs degree

When I told her it was a professional site

which people look at for hiring and business drivers,

she nearly shit Twinkies.


So… being a kind Christian woman,

when she learned her friend’s father had passed away,

she was quick to write a heartfelt note,

on facebook.

“Barbara, I am so sorry to hear about your father.

I know he is in a better place now.




I call her:


why did you write laugh out loud about Barbara’s dad?”

“Kelly… what are you talking about?”


“Mom… I saw it on facebook.”

“Kelly I told her – lots of love”


“Mom  you said LOL”

“That is what I S A I D… Lots of love”


“Mom…  that means Laugh Out Loud.”

“it does not”


“Oh but it does Mom..

Look at facebook and see how many times you see it

it means laugh out loud.”





“when did they change it?”



“Mom no one changed it…

It has always been laugh out loud.

At least you didn’t  put LMAO”

“well.. what does that mean?”


“Laugh my ass off”


“The way you talk,  Kelly Lynn!

I’ve got to call Barbara…

She is going to think I am just AW-ful’


“I’m just explaining technology here Mom”

Mama will call her prayer circle next.

To pray for Barbara…

and Mama’s potty mouth.





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Posted by on May 9, 2013 in Misbehaving, Technology


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Fun in the Friendly Skies

I haven’t written in a while…

I know.

We have just been so busy and have had a lot of travel.  I have, in short, been wiped out.

We took a trip

(the whole fan-dam-ily)

to Hot-lanta.

Direct flight…

not so bad.

But once again,

our seats are not together.

I mean we are on the same flight…

but barely.


I don’t get this thing…

where they don’t put families together.

Then you get to negotiate with the other passengers,

4 and 6 year old in tow.

“Excuse Mr. Executive…

Do you want to exchange your nice aisle seat with my middle seat?”


Does not.


When we finally do get in our one row…

the girls are already asking “are we there yet?”

We are in 9A, B, and C…

do they think this is time travel?

Is It Okay to Drug Kids for Airplane Rides?  – Hell yes!


And the 4 year old is so annoyed at her captivity,

She lobs a swift and angry kick to 8B in front of her…

8B hurls forward,

leaving a burgundy kiss on the back of 7B.


Of course we are S T A R V I N G.

The girls cannot wait until the lady walks by with the cart.

You would think Mickey Mouse was about to pop out.


There are so few options for food on planes now.

So we get a snack box.



What kind of sadist puts nutella and hummus in an airplane snack box.

Why don’t you just scream “squirt your sister”

because that is where this is going.

We put it on everything

crackers, fingers, Mom


painted the tray table.



And of course I happened to pick the same week for my trip as the NCAA tournament.

Hotels a scarcity.

I did manage to find one,

after a lengthy search,

and got a great deal

But, when I went to check in,

they informed me that because it was the NCAA tournament,

they would have to charge me 3 x the quoted rate.


An argument ensued.

I won.

And was pissed for the balance of the day.


I am aware that this NCAA thing…

is BIG DO’ins…

But really?

All those screaming drunks…

When I am trying to work

and corral children.


Me at the NCAA shindig,

was just such a waste.

Like sending Honey Boo Boo to the Opera.

Noodle on that one.


And because of this massive event,

the only rooms available had a single bed

ONE bed.

Assembling the girls in line formation,

to illustrate this conundrum.





For leverage…

and a second bed.



You have not lived until:

you get an elbow to groin


you have been peed on at 3 a.m.


So that is our fun.

I’ll be better this week.

Have missed writing

and sleeping




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