A Piercing Request

23 Jun

Oh the drama.


I wants a get my ears pierced.”


Uh oh.


“I wants to get dem pierced

My friend…

(of 3 hours) …


Has her ears pierced.”


Damn Briana’s Mom.

“Honey you are too young.”


“I am not…

I am so brave

All of da time.”


“Are you?”

“Were you brave when you screamed and hid under you bed?”


Dat is not nice.

Dat bug was so big.”


“Honey it was a moth,

“They are gray butterflies.”



Dey eat peoples clothes,

Dey do”


“well they don’t do it when people are still wearing them.”


“Mommy you don’t know .”


“But Mommy I really needs a have my ears pierced…

To be beauTEEful.”


Honestly, this went on for 43 minutes…

I counted.



Hands in the air for God’s help

Floor flopping

General Scarlet behavior.


I tell you the girl is not ready

She is annoyed that she has to do “everyting”


Making her bed

Carrying her plate to the kitchen.

Brushing her own teeth.

Such a mean Mommy


I tried this angle:

“Landon it is painful…

VERY painful.

You will cry

It will get infected

Your ear will fall off

And then your head will be on crooked.


Furrowed brow

Slight pause…










This?  Would be Landon.

This? Would be Landon.

And then?

I used science.

My own…

Mommy science.


“Landon, your ear lapnia is not matured yet.”


“My what?”


“Your ear lapnia…

Right there at the bottom,

Of your ear.

As you age that lapnia, or fatty tissue, increases in size.

It acts as a buffer to pain,

And cushion to fashion earrings.”


I have to look away at this point,

Because this is such a load of bullshit.





Mom, do you think my lapnia will be ready when I am 7?”


“Well, let’s check then.”


“Okay Mom,

can I watch Doc McStuffins on your IPAD.”



It worked.


…patent pending



Posted by on June 23, 2013 in Beauty, Parenthood, Parenting



2 responses to “A Piercing Request

  1. Cheri Travis

    June 23, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    Seriously, you are ‘writing for TV’ funny!! Miss y’all!!

  2. Ellen

    June 24, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Wish I thought of that 2 years ago BEFORE Elana got hers done ;-)))


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