South of the Mason Dixon Line

11 Jan


There are things you do not want to hear

or know about,

From your family.

Your kids.

And certainly your mother.

Especially when you mother is Southern.


When your mama is Southern…

all comments come with a tinge of judgement.

It is not intended you see.. 

Just a consequence of being born and raised,

 south of the Mason Dixon line.


Such as:


“Kelly Lynn!” 



“What is wrong with Landon’s shoes?”


“What do you mean?”


“Well they look awful…

Like she drug her feet out of from underneath the car.”



are you like the Flintstones now?


“Mom, she wears them everyday.”


“Well I swainee, I never seen such a thing…

that is a crime…

a real disgrace.”





So over the holidays

My mom was here.


And one day…

She said:


“Kelly Lynn!


 Kelly Lynn!!!

can you hear me over the racket.”

(the racket?


Kathie Lee and Hoda)



“I think George is horny”

(George is a cat)



does she even know what that means?


If I do not answer…she will stop, right?


“Kelly Lynn!

Can’t you here me talkin’ a’ you?

George is makin’ dough on Clooney

(other cat)

And looking at her.

He is rubbin’ all over her.

I think he wants to get him some.”




You might want to do something about that.”



Both cats are basically androgynous at this point

so not likely the issue.




What could I possibly do to “do something”?


Ah yes…


I know.






1 Comment

Posted by on January 11, 2014 in Parenthood, Parenting, Southern


One response to “South of the Mason Dixon Line

  1. brian

    January 12, 2014 at 1:36 am

    You may be able to hear me laughing all the way from Canada.


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