RSS

South of the Mason Dixon Line

11 Jan

 

There are things you do not want to hear

or know about,

From your family.

Your kids.

And certainly your mother.

Especially when you mother is Southern.

 

When your mama is Southern…

all comments come with a tinge of judgement.

It is not intended you see.. 

Just a consequence of being born and raised,

 south of the Mason Dixon line.

 

Such as:

 

“Kelly Lynn!” 

 “What?”

 

“What is wrong with Landon’s shoes?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well they look awful…

Like she drug her feet out of from underneath the car.”

 

What?

are you like the Flintstones now?

 

“Mom, she wears them everyday.”

 

“Well I swainee, I never seen such a thing…

that is a crime…

a real disgrace.”

 

ACCCCKKK!

ACCCCKKK!

 

So over the holidays

My mom was here.

 

And one day…

She said:

 

“Kelly Lynn!

 

 Kelly Lynn!!!

can you hear me over the racket.”

(the racket?

was…

Kathie Lee and Hoda)

 

 

“I think George is horny”

(George is a cat)

 

OMG

does she even know what that means?

 

If I do not answer…she will stop, right?

 

“Kelly Lynn!

Can’t you here me talkin’ a’ you?

George is makin’ dough on Clooney

(other cat)

And looking at her.

He is rubbin’ all over her.

I think he wants to get him some.”

 

ACCKKKKK!

 

You might want to do something about that.”

First…

 

Both cats are basically androgynous at this point

so not likely the issue.

 

 Secondly…

 

What could I possibly do to “do something”?

 

Ah yes…

 

I know.

 

 DRINK

 

 

 

Advertisements
 
1 Comment

Posted by on January 11, 2014 in Parenthood, Parenting, Southern

 

One response to “South of the Mason Dixon Line

  1. brian

    January 12, 2014 at 1:36 am

    You may be able to hear me laughing all the way from Canada.
    Thanks.

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: