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V Day

14 Feb

Today is Valentine’s Day.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

To celebrate Valentines Day

with small children is?

Complicated.

 

So for today, we had to have:

Valentines for 2 children — 24 each

With candy

not with nuts

nut manufactured in a plant that has nuts

is near nuts

or is nut inclined

WTF

 

Then we cannot just put our valentines in a Ziploc bag

or even Target bag.

 

God No!

 

We must make a celebratory box,

 

Decorated in:

marker

crayon

stickers

and

calligraphy

Echo’ing my WTF

 

Then!

Next?

Special

custom

valentines for the teachers.

2 per child.

  OMG

I am raising two kids on my own

trying to keep my ass in shape

read all assignments

do all homework

make homemade meals

keep my job

and be somewhat balanced.

 And then!

Tennyson’s teacher asks,

 

not to me…

to Tenny.

“did we remember our 100 things

to celebrate our 100th day at school this year?”

F**K No.

We! did not remember our 100 things.

And when people say “did we?”

that means did your slack ass mom.

There is no we.

Why don’t you just take my last 100 nerves

because you have just plucked the last one.

 

Is it me?

I really think they expect too much

too much for anyone to do.

  EXCEPT

Except for Mary Beth Fulmer

Her husband is an attorney.

She is a stay at home mom.

To NO ONE.

There is NO ONE at her house.

Not even a dog.

*** no offense to any stay at home moms ***

 

She is dressed to the 9’s.

Botox’d to a degree that?

she is permanently ecstatic.

Screw You Mary Beth

Screw You Mary Beth

 

She walks in

with a tray full of personally decorated cupcakes

confetti sprinkles as a base.

Each cupcake decorated with a different child’s name.

And a full face of makeup.

 

I HATE HER

I hope she falls and cracks her face.

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2 Comments

Posted by on February 14, 2014 in Parenthood, Parenting

 

2 responses to “V Day

  1. brian

    February 14, 2014 at 10:18 am

    THANK YOU!!!!!!
    You may ask why I am thanking you, it’s because you are not only an amazing woman and mom……
    This made me laugh.
    I love to laugh.
    Lucky girls you have.

     
  2. Beth

    February 14, 2014 at 10:22 am

    Lol! The 2 words “School project” strike fear into every full-time working moms heart. I feel. Your pain.

     

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