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Monthly Archives: March 2014

Dos Boobs

I am dropping off the girls to school

 

Landon is daudling

Because?

That…

is

the

way

she

rolls.

 

 

Tennyson:

Mom… where is my water bottle?

Is today Friday?

Is tomorrow Monday?

Are you going to the office today?

You gots black stuff on your cheek..

etc.

etc.

etc.

 

Henry and his father have approached.

Tenny and Henry are locker mates.

 

Tenny announces:

“Henry…

My mom gots boobs in dere,

in dat coat.”

 

OMG

 

“You can’t sees dem because you is not married to her.”

 

OMG

OMG

OMG

 

Henry acknowledges da boobs and says…

“My mom gots some of dem too.”

 

And that is how we started our Friday.

 

 And you?

 

 
2 Comments

Posted by on March 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Little Known Facts

It is not often that I get some time

One on one

With either child.

 

Tennyson has fallen asleep.

 

It is very quiet.

Landon and I are watching a Cosby show re-run.

And laughing.

 

“Mommy did you know…”

A revelation is coming…

 

“that

there are 60 minutes in

ONE hour?”

 

“I did know that,

But isn’t that interesting?”

 

It is fun to watch them learn.

I am smiling, noodling on her increasing smart-ness.

 

And then?

I smell it.

A foul odor

Sour and vinegary almost

To the left?

No

To the right?

No

It is coming from

DOWN

 

Landon stretches her legs out on top of me,

Feet in my lap.

And I gag.

All the wave left in my hair is?

gone.

Have I entered a football locker room?

I have not.

 

It is?

Landon’s feet.

Mother of God!

 

 

AWFUL!

 

A foul stench has entered the room

A foul stench has entered the room

 

“honey is that your feet I smell?”

As I lean closer

 

“Mom!

Don’t get near dem. 

If you smell stinky feet,

Your brain

It doesn’t work good.”

 

“What?

Where did you hear that?”

 

“Mrs. Keener.”

 

“Your teacher told you that?”

 

“Yep…

And Mommy you know what else?”

 

I am a’scared to ask.

 

“what?”

 

“You can NEVER eat a soggy waffle.”

 

DAMN! There goes breakfast tomorrow.

 

“You can’t?”

 

“NO!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Well…

 

You won’t know which ways you be goin’

North

Or

South

Or

West

Or

East

You would be so lost.

And that?

Would be so sad Mommy…

You know.”

 

confused-mom

“Did Mrs. Keener tell you that?”

 

“Yep! She is so smart.”

 

Clearly…

Glad to see my tax dollars are hard at work…

Generating this valuable knowledge.

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2014 in Misbehaving, Parenthood, Parenting

 

A New State

Tennyson:

“Mommy, what are we going to do later?”

 

“This afternoon?

Um… I don’t know.

What about a trip to Costco?”

 Costco US homepage

 

“Costco? 

Is that like a steak?”

 

“What do you mean is that a steak?”

 

“A state Mom.

Like a state

of Americas!”

 ?

 

In her defense,

it

IS

a

state of mass confusion in there.

 

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Parenthood, Parenting, Shopping

 

The Diary

“MOM!”

 

Geez!

Why do they have to yell?

I am standing in the next room.

 

“what is it?”

 

“Tennyson has my diary.”

 

The Item In Question

The Item In Question

 

“Okay well ask her for it.”

 

“MOM!!!”

 

“Honey…

Just ask her to give you the diary back.”

 

“Mom!!!

You needs to come here.

Tenny has a diary.”

 

Good Lord!

Stomp

Stomp

Fume

And?

Pause

 

Tennyson?

Is in the bathroom.

She does not have a diary,

But diarrhea.

 

And from the looks of things,

She was going to have “the diary”

For some time.

 
 

Quirks

We are a quirky trio…

my girls and me.

 

Tennyson?

She is always just Tenny.

And I know,

that one day,

she will end up being a comedienne?

or

the Iditarod musher

(she has control issues)

Mush... damn you

Mush… damn you

“Mom…

is that you?”

 

“Is what me?

 

“Dat noise.

Dat noise I keeps hearing.”

 

“Honey, I am just sitting here,

and you can see me.”

 

“Oh!

then I guess it must be me.”

 

?

?

?

 
1 Comment

Posted by on March 3, 2014 in Uncategorized